IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing excercise classes. what are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negetive development?

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Nowadays, In some countries, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer to hire a personal
fitness
Use synonyms
trainer
Use synonyms
 rather than play
sports
Use synonyms
 or do exercise classes has increased. In
this
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 essay, the reasons and positive effects of
this
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 phenomenon will be discussed. Increasing awareness of differences among talents and personalities in groups is one of the key factors. Most
people
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 believe playing
sports
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 or doing exercise classes is not as effective as private
fitness
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 trainees.
For example
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,
as a
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result
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 of the different levels and abilities of each person in a group, they may not benefit from
this
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 opportunity.
Therefore
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, hiring a private tutor can be helpful in order to find out various strengths and weaknesses of
people
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. Being tight-scheduled plays a critical role in hiring a personal
fitness
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trainer
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.
This
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 means that, nowadays
as a
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result
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 of a hectic lifestyle most
people
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 prefer to employ a personal
fitness
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trainer
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 in order to organise their time and help them achieve a suitable reason.
For instance
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, These tutor manages a timetable and balance a program between different parts of the different
sports
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.
This
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 can lead to a beneficial and time-saving program. In my idea, it is a positive development
due to
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 the fact that finding out new talents and managing activities by a professional trainee can be beneficial for both society and
people
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. By recognizing new talents, a number of professional athletes are more likely to be created.
In addition
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,
as a
Linking Words
result
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 of sensible
sports
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 programs, more
people
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 can meet their expectations
such
Linking Words
 as a well-fit body and a balanced weight.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 change can lead to a positive impact on
people
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 and society. In conclusion,
as a
Linking Words
result
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 of increasing awareness of a private trainee and a sense of demand for a professional
sports
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 plan, the number of
people
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 who prefer to hire a personal
fitness
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trainer
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, rather than playing
sports
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 or doing exercise classes has increased,
as well as
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 it can be a positive development for both society and
people
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is very effective in maintaining coherence and ensuring the essay is easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical connection between ideas within and between paragraphs. While the structure is good, some transitions can be smoother. For example, you can use more advanced linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. This will help reinforce the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing reasons why people prefer personal fitness trainers and presenting your view on whether this is a positive development.
task achievement
Include more concrete examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you mentioned busy lifestyles as a reason for hiring personal trainers; you could further elaborate on this with specific statistics or personal anecdotes to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on refining your language to make it clearer and more precise. Phrases like "different parts of the different sports" could be more clearly expressed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument. Each paragraph is well-defined with specific focus areas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing your essay and summarizing your points. They create a good first and last impression on the reader.
task achievement
You address the task effectively by covering both aspects: reasons for the trend and your stance on whether it is positive or negative. Your essay stays relevant to the prompt throughout.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented, and you provide valid reasons and examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay persuasive and informative.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized attention
  • tailored workout plans
  • professional guidance
  • convenience and flexibility
  • busy schedules
  • customized training sessions
  • self-conscious
  • intimidated
  • one-on-one training sessions
  • motivation and accountability
  • stay consistent
  • fitness routines
  • expensive
  • financial constraints
  • prevent injuries
  • correcting form and technique
  • overlooked
  • community spirit
  • social interaction
  • mental health and well-being
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