IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for the country, while others disagree.

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While
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 some people think that being a
host
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 for an international sports
event
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 benefits the
country
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host
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, others do not. In my view, I think hosting an international
event
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 has more advantages compared to its negative impacts.
Firstly
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, it is advantageous to
host
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 an
event
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 to increase the local economy. The
host
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country
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 needs to be able to accommodate athletes, team organizers, and visitors from other
countries
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.
Hence
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, the private and government-owned hotels will try to prepare
as well as
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 possible. It can absorb locals to work in those hotels for a short time. The other positive side is the opportunity to engage in soft diplomacy with other
countries
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. The ability of a
country
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 to
host
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 a big
event
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 shows the commitment and political willingness of the government. If the
event
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 is successful, it will increase the
country
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's reputation. In the long run, many foreign
countries
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 are willing to invest in the
host
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 counter in financial or education aid.
On the other hand
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, there are several minor disadvantages that it might bring. The first problem that might happen is the increasing number of criminal cases. Some unfair business owners seldom try to scam foreigners to gain more profit. One of the cases could happen when the owner double booked the hotel room. Another issue could be the increasing amount of loans. The government would need to renovate some of the sports facilities.
However
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, the money owned by the government is often limited;
hence
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, loans from other
countries
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 might happen. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of hosting an international sports
event
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 in terms of increasing economy and soft diplomacy far outweigh any minor issues it might bring

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coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure and your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, consider adding more topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to further aid cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between your points and paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better and improve overall readability.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, your arguments could be reinforced by providing more specific and varied examples.
task achievement
Expand on your minor disadvantages point; developing them further could add more depth to your discussion, making your argument more balanced.
task achievement
Your essay successfully presents both sides of the argument and clearly states your position, which is crucial for task response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your viewpoint, which makes your argument more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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