These days, many people will stay home to watch a live performance (for example, a sports match or a concert) because they can see everything on a TV or computer screen. To what extent you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, most
people
spend their leisure time
at home
watching live shows such
as sports matches and a concert.Because They can access all programmes
in
the Change preposition
on
television
and computer screens.I strongly agree with this
statement.This
essay will discuss agreement in detail,along with
relevant
conclusion.
On the one hand, Add an article
a relevant
the relevant
television
and computers have a crucial role in everyone's life.Because these are providing various programmes
through a screen.For example
,all sports programmes
are conducted internationally,so people
cannot travel far distances to watch programmes
.so the
spend at Correct your spelling
they
home
watching sports shows.
On the other hand
,In the modern era, people
are involved in social media activities.The computer provides access to Facebook and WhatsApp ,and the
Correct article usage
apply
people
give
Verb problem
apply
concentration
on chatting with friends.Replace the word
concentrate
Moreover
,most youngsters spend time
with their friends at multiplexes and shopping complexes, recently it has been changed and people
are curiously waiting for their favourite shows.For instance
, previously we could not see any boys at home
, especially in the evening time
.Now it has been changed the men are physically available in
Change preposition
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
home
to watch cricket.
In conclusion,in this
era, people
like to spend their valuable time
at home
,and they are interested in some television
Besides
,that
Correct word choice
apply
people
can decrease their expenses by avoiding roaming with friends.Through the programmes
,they can reduce their stress.The
Correct article usage
Television
television
and computers have more facilities for entertainment.So I strongly agree with this
statement.Submitted by saniyasunny1848 on
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task response
Your introduction should be more developed. Although it introduces your opinion and states that the essay will discuss it, it doesn't create much engagement or provide a strong direction for your arguments. Consider briefly summarizing the main points you will cover in the body paragraphs.
coherence
There are some grammatical and punctuation errors which may make it harder for readers to understand your points. For instance, 'the spend at home' should be 'they spend their time at home', and 'Besides,that' should be 'Besides that.' Work on sentence structure and pay attention to punctuation to improve clarity.
cohesion
While you have structured your essay into paragraphs, the flow between ideas could be improved. Using more transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs will make your essay more coherent and easier to follow.
task response
Some of the examples provided are relevant but can be expanded upon for more depth. For example, explaining how the availability of sports matches on TV impacts the social habits of people can make your argument stronger.
coherence
You've made a clear stance on the topic, which is strongly agreeing that people prefer to stay home to watch live events.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, providing a satisfactory end to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.