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Band 8

In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax provate car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?

#traffic #governments #tax #provate #car #owners #money #transportation
Authorities believe that car taxes must be allocated to extend mass transit’s quality.
Firstly
, the benefit of doing
that is
 it can increase
such
 vehicle enthusiasts.
Secondly
, the drawback of that policy is it will make oil companies prone to bankruptcy. It is been an issue that the metro’s comfort needs to be improved.
Thereupon
, the increasing satisfaction of that will grow citizens’ enthusiasm, leading to an increase in passengers.
Nonetheless
, some argue that people’s interests were not in correlation with urban vehicle standards.
Nevertheless
, a survey that was conducted by the Jakarta government in 2023 shows
otherwise
.
While
 it states that 30 of 100 citizens agree that public vehicle amenities came from its punctuality, Others believe it was from its convenience.
Hence
, extending the transport corresponds with stretching the passengers' amount.
On the contrary
, the growing interest will make people less utilize private automobiles, and that can lead to endangering the oil companies' existence.
Furthermore
, the car uses oil, which the company
profits
 mainly from.
Moreover
, the regularly falling
profits
 will eventually make the company bankrupt. Where there is no evidence for that, the closest example happened in 2017, when the nations in the Middle East banned their people from using petrol.
Consequently
, their
profits
at the end
 of 2017 significantly dropped by about 10%.
This
 is evidence that if
such
 a policy is implemented, it could lead to the company being prone to bankruptcy.
Overall
, On the positive side, the ideas will make people's interest in mass transportation grow. On the negative side, it could endanger the companies'
profits
 and, henceforth, existence.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, consider expanding on your examples. You could explain them in more detail to make your points even clearer.
coherence cohesion
Improving the consistency of your paragraph structure can help. Each paragraph should ideally present one main idea and develop it fully before moving on to the next.
language
Your use of language is generally accurate, but there are minor grammatical errors and phrases that could be more naturally expressed. Focusing on more sophisticated vocabulary and structures can help elevate your writing.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in understanding your arguments.
task achievement
The examples you use are relevant and help illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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