In the modern world, many children spend a lot of time in front of computers, televisions, and smartphones. This is very harmful to them. To what extent do you agree?

#world #children #time #front #computers #televisions #smartphones

Nowadays it is so

regulary

Correct your spelling

regular

for children

being

Change the verb form

to be

show examples

in front of

theTV

Correct your spelling

the TV

, laptops or

mobilephones

Correct your spelling

mobile phones

and absolutely

this

is a very dangerous behaviour that they are used to do it and I strongly agree with

this

opinion. Being in these situations can make them

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

lazy or being

owerveight

Correct your spelling

overweight

also

decrease

Correct subject-verb agreement

decreases

show examples

their ability to socialize

others

Change preposition

with others

show examples

. When a child is spending all the time by using these smart

gagets

Correct your spelling

gadgets

so that he or she is sitting all the time and do not have any activity absolutely

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

fat,

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

lazy and

Correct subject-verb agreement

does

show examples

not

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

have

Add the particle

have to

show examples

feel like spending time with other people because of do not

learning

Change the verb form

learn

show examples

how can communicate

also

it is going to be so hard for them to

planing

Correct your spelling

planning

show examples

for their future.

However

, it is said that,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

sometime

Correct your spelling

sometimes

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

some specific occasions they may get successful in some topics what are being a website designer or having some jobs which are well-paid because of the abilities they have got, but they lose the other skills in their lifetime what are so important and

neccessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

. So living like these babies

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is not

really

Correct article usage

a really

show examples

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

way to

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

lifetime

Add an article

a lifetime

show examples

. Professionals must do some measurements before gets late because I am not a

carrier

Correct your spelling

career

show examples

person in

this

topic and my opinion can not be

compeleted

Correct your spelling

completed

Submitted by TUTOO on Sun Jun 16 2024

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grammar

Improve your grammatical accuracy by carefully checking subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and prepositions. For example, 'it is so regulary' should be 'it is so regular' and 'do not have feel like' should be 'do not feel like.'

example

Try to elaborate more on specific examples to support your points effectively. For instance, explain a bit more how excessive screen time leads to social isolation with a relatable example.

coherence

Work on the structure of your essay to ensure a more coherent flow. Connect your ideas with appropriate linking words and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

position

You have a clear opinion and your position is consistently maintained throughout the essay.

content

You have identified some relevant points such as obesity, laziness, and social isolation, which are pertinent to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

217 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
screen time
obesity
eye strain
digital devices
mental health
anxiety
depression
attention disorders
addictive nature
social isolation
academic performance
face-to-face interactions
social skills
inappropriate content
supervision

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