IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

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It is common these days for older
people
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 who need employment to compete with
people
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 much younger for the same type of
work
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.
While
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this
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 can create problems, there are steps that can be taken to reduce the impacts. The main problem is that older
people
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 may find it more difficult to secure
work
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, which arises because younger
people
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 are more likely to have up-to-date qualifications and experience.
For example
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, information technology is integral to a variety of jobs these days and the skills needed for
this
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 are rapidly changing. Young
people
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 may well have recent knowledge through university or through using technology in their leisure time. If older
people
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 cannot secure
work
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,
this
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 leads to other problems. As they are likely to have a family to support, they may not have an adequate income to provide for their children’s education or other
such
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 necessities. It is the government that needs to take measures to ameliorate
such
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 problems.
This
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 needs
to begin
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 with ensuring that older
people
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 have all the skills needed to compete in the job market, which could be achieved by providing free training on the most important job requirements at local community colleges,
for example
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the government needs to encourage employers to change their employment practices by promoting the value of experience that older workers can bring to a job.
To conclude
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, the main issue with competition for
work
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 between these groups is that older
people
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 may start to find it more difficult to find
work
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.
However
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, despite
this
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, through the right training and changes to recruitment practices, older
people
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 can compete on an equal footing
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the younger generation in the
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 market.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses all parts of the task and provides a detailed response, try making the examples even more specific and varied to fully showcase understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To further engage the reader, use a wider array of cohesive devices smoothly. Currently, transitions are good but can be enriched further for a seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure with well-defined paragraphs and an adequate introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported and discussed thoroughly, showing a deep understanding of the essay topic.
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