IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that social network sites such as fb have had a huge negative impacts on both individuals n society. To what extent do you agree.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that social media
such
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 as Facebook have addressed negative effects on both individuals and society. I completely agree with
this
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 notion as it can decrease social interaction in society. Apart from that figure,
people
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 can lose control of their speech in the comment feature on online media.
Firstly
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, the increase in modern globalization affects human behaviour, especially the way
people
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 socialize with each other. Nowadays,
people
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 can easily communicate everything beyond their location and time by using online chat.
However
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, that figure could become addictive for
people
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 because they do not make an effort to understand
people
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's reactions in real life;
instead
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, using emoticons on their phones to pretend their feelings.
Furthermore
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, it would be a dangerous situation if one day they should be involved in a workgroup discussion. They would be confused about beginning a conversation throughout the meeting because they rarely talked face-to-face with the others.
This
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 situation could affect their opportunity to get a good grade, as communication is one of the important parameters in a work environment.
Additionally
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, the features provided by social media would be harmful if used without boundaries.
For instance
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, when
people
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 have been reading the news that makes them angry, they could directly send a comment on the news page before filtering it. They could express their emotions freely without empathy.
Moreover
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, hate speech in online networks could be hated if other
people
Use synonyms
also
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 respond to that narrative badly. Eventually,
this
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 negative communication could create a bad ecosystem in human life. The next generations would
also
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 be the victims of that attitude and destroy our future.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the reasons for your agreement. A stronger thesis statement will improve your task response.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas to enhance flow. For instance, use linking words like 'however' or 'furthermore' more effectively.
task achievement
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your points and reiterates your stance. This will help to close your argument effectively and improve your overall response.
content
You have identified relevant aspects of the negative impacts of social media effectively.
support
Your use of examples, such as the impact of comments on news posts, indicates an understanding of the subject matter.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social network sites
  • negative impacts
  • individuals
  • society
  • privacy
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • cyberbullying
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • face-to-face interactions
  • social bonds
  • isolation
  • addiction
  • productivity
  • real-life priorities
  • inappropriate content
  • self-esteem issues
  • unrealistic portrayals
  • networking opportunities
  • professional networking
  • social movements
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