Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on pp’s lives? To you agree or disagree

Nowadays, people are hunted by ads that will impact what they think is crucial.
Moreover
, it has more negative sides in their daily lives. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think it's true,
also
social media companies have an important role in
this
matter. In
this
modern world public advertising has become widely used in every part of the globe.
However
, it is not often used in the correct healthy way that doesn't affect a lot of communities.
For instance
, running diet ads and showing how much weight have lost in a short amount of time but that really doesn't reflect in our daily lifestyle. Some will say it's totally the company's right to put their statement and let general people decide whether it's better for them or not.
Also
, there are different types of ideas that should be limited and have restricted roles.
For example
, drug companies need to be clear and open with customers regarding medication because it's a very important aspect of their lives.
On the other hand
, some clients will be using famous celebrities to promote them which could encourage young generation kids to buy it, and maybe it's an unhealthy drink or food substance. In conclusion, the ad industry should be treated with caution and not be tolerated,
Moreover
, among the young public audience
Add a comma
,
show examples
they are not capable of understanding if it's beneficial or not. The global impact of television and other streaming platforms could sometimes lead to false allegations which may lack credibility, in the end, ads should be inspected before reaching national sites.
Submitted by abood291a on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, but it would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance readability. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You need a stronger introduction and conclusion. While you did state your opinion in the introduction, it could be more impactful. Similarly, your conclusion should summarize the main points more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully supported with specific examples and explanations. Some of your points were valid but could have been elaborated further for greater clarity.
task achievement
The essay needs more detailed and clear ideas. Try to make each point more comprehensive and ensure that your examples explicitly support your arguments.
task achievement
You have made a good effort in responding to the essay question completely. You've addressed both aspects: the effect of advertising on people's perceptions and the negative impacts on their lives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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