"Some people believe that technological advancements have improved our lives significantly, while others argue that technology has brought more problems than benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion." Instructions: Write at least 250 words. Support your arguments with relevant examples and reasons. Ensure to cover both perspectives before presenting your opinion.
Since
technology
has enhanced our lives, it has brought us a lot of changes. In my opinion, the advanced technologies make my life more convenient and efficient. However
, it is full of risk for people
to utilize it and should be aware of the personal information
that might be leaked to the public. It’s a dilemma for people
to handle the technology
.
After the Industrial Revolution, technology
improved rapidly. Our lives gradually alternate when we get used to those technologies. For example
, we can travel everywhere by vehicle instead
of the animal tow truck, saving more time on the journey. Steve Jobs invented the smartphone, changing the way
of communication and making information
delivery more efficient. I believe most people
benefit from technological advancements.
However
, some people
stand in the opposite way
and that’s reasonable. While
the information
booming due to
the high technology
, people
prefer to watch short videos on smartphones and seldom read books, making them lazy to brainstorm and deeply rely on the technology
supplies. Moreover
, it is an efficient way
for people
to collect personal information
through the Internet. However
, it might harm your personal security or the way
for bad guys to fraud your money
In conclusion, advanced technology
is definitely a nice tool for people
, but it might be a troublemaker for us. If we can handle it well, it must be the best tool for us. On the other hand
, advanced technology
can be a beast that can erode your life. We need to take this
problem more seriously.Submitted by aa0963178783 on
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task achievement
Your responses need to provide more relevant and specific examples. For instance, instead of mentioning "Steve Jobs invented the smartphone," you could detail how the introduction of smartphones has impacted daily lives in areas such as work, education, and social interactions. Specific examples make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should aim for a clear logical structure. This means that each paragraph should focus on a single main idea that supports your argument. Currently, the ideas are clear but could be organized more logically. Consider using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay covers both views and includes an introduction and a conclusion, it's important to ensure that each point is fully developed. Providing more in-depth analysis and reasoning in sections would strengthen your essay. Additionally, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Take care to better connect your ideas within paragraphs to ensure coherence. Use linking words and phrases such as 'for example,' 'in contrast,' and 'as a result' to make the relationships between your ideas clear.
task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, ensure your arguments are clearly articulated and logically developed. Offer more depth in the explanation of why certain technological advancements are beneficial or problematic. Provide comprehensive and balanced insights for both sides before concluding with your opinion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both perspectives regarding the benefits and drawbacks of technological advancements. This shows a balanced consideration of the topic, which is important for an effective task response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in creating a coherent structure for your essay. They provide a clear entry and exit point for the reader, making your essay easier to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.