Completing university is the best way to get a job. while others believe that experience and developing soft skills is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion

Railways
and
roads
are crucial means of transportation for mankind. A majority of the population agrees with the stance that
railways
need more attention than
roads
while
the rest believe
otherwise
. I think that governments should prioritise
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
of both rail and
road
systems by allocating money in equal proportions.
To begin
with, having a vast and deep network of
railways
assists in effective transportation and national relationships. Trains offer faster travel options and lower ticket fares than buses.
For instance
, travelling from one state to another
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a train or metro takes
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
time than travelling on a
road
.
Also
,
railways
offer a safer way of transporting goods and the problem of traffic blockage is not seen in rail systems.
In addition
,
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
plays a key role in generating revenue and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
of a country.
On the other hand
, improving
roads
has its own merits. With train tracks being fixed between two destinations and the stops not being flexible, people tend to opt for cars to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ease of travelling through any place in any route possible. Improving
roads
would develop rural areas which makes it easier for people to commute to cities.
Besides
, a large number of
road
accidents can be prevented with
better quality
Add a hyphen
better-quality
show examples
roads
.
For example
, it is common to see parts of
roads
being washed off during monsoon and
this
can be avoided by using certified materials during
road
construction.
To sum up
, having explored both arguments, I disagree with the statement that
railways
should be given greater priority. It is most efficient to give an appropriate allowance to both systems and government officials should find a middle ground between them to make sure of a safer transportation
Submitted by mj on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses the main topic and prompt given. The essay provided slightly diverges from the initial topic which focuses on completing university and job attainment versus soft skills and experience. Stick to the nuances of the question at hand, as this will improve the relevance of your response.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more specific examples. While the essay presents a balanced view, providing more tangible evidence, statistics, or real-world examples will make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on a clear logical structure by presenting your ideas in a manner that naturally builds from one point to the next. While the essay has a decent structure, transitions could be smoother and sentences could be linked more effectively to contribute to the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to have a concise introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main viewpoints. While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, making them more concise and assertive will better set the stage and summarize your perspectives.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • industry-specific skills
  • career services
  • networking opportunities
  • intellectual capability
  • practical experience
  • real-world scenarios
  • soft skills
  • on-the-job experiences
  • portfolio
  • demonstrated skillset
  • formal education credentials
  • company culture
  • academia
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