IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

With the rapid development of communication technology, such as smart phones, tablets, and other mobile devices. Some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent times, exponential growth in technology has led to the advent of many communication gadgets
such
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 as tablets, mobile
phones
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 etc.
As a result
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, many believe they are more harmful to
people
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 than not. I somewhat disagree with
this
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 idea. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using communication devices. First of all, the advantages of these gadgets cannot be overlooked. Mobile
phones
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 have revolutionised the way
people
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 exchange information and gain access to knowledge.
For instance
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, keeping in touch with family and friends, conveying important information to your colleagues and so much more are all at the fingertips of
people
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 today.
Furthermore
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, access to knowledge has never been easier, there was a time when going to college or university was the only way one could learn about important subjects like history, politics or science. Nowadays, everyone has access to these subjects with great ease.
On the other hand
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, the unprecedented increase in the use of these devices has raised many social and health concerns for
people
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overall
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.
For example
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,
people
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 are now spending more time with their smartphones than with their loved ones. In one study, it was revealed that on average, Americans spend eight hours a day on their
phones
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.
Consequently
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, spending less time with their family or friends. Evidently, another study from Harvard suggests that overuse of mobile
phones
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 and constant office work on computers is causing many
people
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 back problems and
also
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 the constant eye strain causes headaches and weak eyesight.
In addition
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, mobile phone addiction is making
people
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 less likely to go out and socialise with others. In conclusion, the use of technological devices has become increasingly prevalent bringing with it many positives and negatives. In my view, they are far more advantageous than not and we should balance them with other responsibilities in our life.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly sets up the scope of the essay. While it briefly mentions discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, explicitly stating the aim in clearer terms would strengthen the task response.
task response
Try to expand slightly more on each point with additional examples or statistics. This makes your argument more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using a more diverse range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, a concluding sentence in the first body paragraph could naturally lead into the concerns discussed in the next.
structure
You have a clear structure in your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
logical organization
The points are logically organized, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
examples
The examples used are relevant and help illustrate your main points effectively.
conclusion
A strong conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, making it clear to the reader.
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