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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today buy ready-made food rather than spending time cooking. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In recent years, the number of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 prefer ready-made
meals
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly, replacing traditional
meals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend appeared because of
people
Use synonyms
’s new lifestyle rushed by a lot of things like work, family or even a busy schedule.
While
Linking Words
 my opinion is that pre-made
meals
Use synonyms
 have the advantage of saving time and energy, it
also
Linking Words
 has the disadvantage of health problems and
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 cost of buying one
instead
Linking Words
 of preparing it.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, pre-made
meals
Use synonyms
 have made our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier by only buying
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 and putting
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 in the oven or the microwave.
People
Use synonyms
 don’t have time to cook, go
grocery-shopping
Punctuation problem
grocery shopping,
show examples
 and
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
show examples
 them
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 sometimes is very exhausting.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have the choice to choose what they want to eat after a long day
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they don’t need to plan a diet of which foods they can
eat
Verb problem
apply
show examples
or
not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
.
Verb problem
eat.
show examples
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 finish work
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
 7-8 PM
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can go to supermarkets or order delivery
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 spending hours making a dish suitable for them. A person
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 feels exhausted will do anything for a proper meal after a long day of work.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, ready-made food is not the best choice for some
people
Use synonyms
 because of health problems.
Manufactures
Replace the word
Manufacturers
 put more ingredients than a meal should
have
Punctuation problem
have,
show examples
 like sodium, sugar, salt and chemicals to enhance
flavor
Change the spelling
flavour
show examples
 and to increase the expiration date.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, a simple pre-made meal might have up to 50 % of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 recommended salt or sugar
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can increase the risk of health-problems and cancer or diabetes.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 pay a
have
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 amount of money on
this
Linking Words
 kind of food and waste money. A self-prepared meal can cost less
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is healthier for our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 ready-made
meals
Use synonyms
 have
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 a trend among young
people
Use synonyms
 because they can save time and energy, the
disadvantage
Correct subject-verb agreement
disadvantages
show examples
 are health-problems and waste of money.

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task response
Make your view stronger in the opening. Say clearly that the bad sides outweigh the good sides, not only that both sides exist.
task response
Explain why health and money problems are more important than saving time. For example, say that time can be saved in other ways, but poor health can last for many years.
task response
Some examples need to be more exact. Instead of saying “a simple pre-made meal might have up to 50%”, give a short, clear example of one meal and explain its effect.
task response
Be careful with big claims such as cancer. Say “may raise the risk of some health problems” unless you can fully explain the claim.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each body paragraph. The first paragraph can focus on time; the second can focus on health and cost. This will make the flow cleaner.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “As a result, they choose ready-made food.” “However, this ease comes with a cost.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “In instance”. Use “For example” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Improve a few unclear lines so the reader does not have to guess your meaning. For example, change “People don’t have time to cook, go grocery-shopping and preparing them” to “People may not have time to cook, shop for food, or prepare meals.”
coherence and cohesion
In the closing paragraph, restate your final view in one direct sentence: “Overall, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because health risks and extra cost are more serious than the time saved.”
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear reasons for buying ready-made food, and you say that its bad sides are stronger than its good sides.
task response
Your main ideas are useful and on-topic: lack of time, tired workers, health risks, and higher cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one paragraph on good points, one paragraph on bad points, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, “Secondly”, “Additionally”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Time-efficient
  • Ready-made meals
  • Nutritional value
  • Lifestyle demands
  • Work-life balance
  • Fast-paced lifestyle
  • Eco-conscious
  • Sustainable eating
  • Culinary diversity
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Environmental footprint
  • Social interaction
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