The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
As science and technology are developing so far, some
people
argue that the standard of people
's health
will be getting higher in the future
than it is now. On the other hand
, counterparts say that people
's health
will become weak in the future
. I agree with the opinion that people
will become unhealthy as time goes by.
First,
nowadays the range of accessing drugs
is getting larger and the level of regulation for it is weaker than the
past. Change preposition
in the
As a result
, drugs
can ruin humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
health
easily in the future
. A few years ago, the Netherlands passed the law about allowing to use and sale of drugs
such
as marihuana. After that, a lot of European countries and a few cities in the United States of America also
followed this
tendency. However
, drugs
have a massive and dangerous impact on people
's lives. It will deteriorate people
's bodies and mental in a rapid speed and this
is proved by lots of celebrities' lives who addicted
to Add a missing verb
are addicted
drugs
.
Second,
the impact of social media gets larger as time goes by, and people
's physical stamina gets lower. According to
the statistics, the stamina of children who were born after 2010 is relatively weaker than people
who were born in the 1990s. Sociologists analyzed the reason for this
phenomenon is children are just staying at their
home Correct pronoun usage
apply
instead
of going outside and enjoying real physical sports.
In conclusion, because of the high possibility of using drugs
and the broad impact of social media, I think people
's health
is likely to be lower in the future
than now. So on, the world needs to find a solution to make humans healthy.Submitted by starmino0113 on
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the support for your main ideas by providing more robust evidence and examples. This will make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and provides a good context for your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a conclusion that summarizes your main arguments well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a clear stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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