The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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As science and technology are developing so far, some
people
argue that the standard of
people
's
health
will be getting higher in the
future
than it is now.
On the other hand
, counterparts say that
people
's
health
will become weak in the
future
. I agree with the opinion that
people
will become unhealthy as time goes by.
First,
nowadays the range of accessing
drugs
is getting larger and the level of regulation for it is weaker than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past.
As a result
,
drugs
can ruin
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
show examples
health
easily in the
future
. A few years ago, the Netherlands passed the law about allowing to use and sale of
drugs
such
as marihuana. After that, a lot of European countries and a few cities in the United States of America
also
followed
this
tendency.
However
,
drugs
have a massive and dangerous impact on
people
's lives. It will deteriorate
people
's bodies and mental in a rapid speed and
this
is proved by lots of celebrities' lives who
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
to
drugs
.
Second,
the impact of social media gets larger as time goes by, and
people
's physical stamina gets lower.
According to
the statistics, the stamina of children who were born after 2010 is relatively weaker than
people
who were born in the 1990s. Sociologists analyzed the reason for
this
phenomenon is children are just staying at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home
instead
of going outside and enjoying real physical sports. In conclusion, because of the high possibility of using
drugs
and the broad impact of social media, I think
people
's
health
is likely to be lower in the
future
than now. So on, the world needs to find a solution to make humans healthy.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and provides a good context for your argument.
coherence cohesion
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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