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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the present day, many students are keen to learn more than the main subjects can provide, while some believe that it is essential for students to focus solely on studying for a qualification. In this essay, the advantages of both notions will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.

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In the present day, many
students
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 are keen to learn more than the main
subjects
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 can provide,
while
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 some believe that it is essential for
students
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 to focus solely on studying for a qualification. In
this
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 essay, the advantages of both notions will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, There are several benefits that main
subjects
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 in
university
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 can offer.
Career
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 opportunities are the main key, as most companies always use a qualification degree from
university
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.
For example
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, achieving a high grade from
university
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 in the main subject could be a guarantee for a higher-paying
career
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. Attention only to the main
subjects
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 helps learners to stay
in focus
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focused
show examples
, resulting in better scores and understanding of the context deeply without attraction from other interests.
Additionally
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, the main
subjects
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 could be more helpful for
further
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 study in a doctoral degree in the future, because it is a simple standard that society requires and put them in curriculum.
On the other hand
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, giving all
students
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 time in the main
subjects
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 had some negative effects. by reducing time for exploring self-desire in a
career
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.
For instance
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, some individuals experience a struggle in choosing an occupation even if they have a high degree qualification, causing a false
career
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 pathway that some feel dissatisfied with in the future. Learning outside main
subjects
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 provides survival
skills
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 in society that
university
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 could not,
such
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 as culinary
skills
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, repairing machines and vehicles, especially communication
skills
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, which
is
Verb problem
apply
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a useful essential
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 in every moment of working life.
Moreover
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,
students
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 tend to enjoy lessons that they choose by themself, decreasing stress in the learning process. In summary, Focusing on the main
subjects
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 in
university
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 offers many advantages including easier getting high scores in class without attraction,
career
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 opportunities and the basis for
further
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 education.
In contrast
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, many
students
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 gain advantages from learning outside the
university
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 or more than main
subjects
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such
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 as acknowledgement of self-desire occupation and communication
skills
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. I firmly agree that the benefits of studying outside main
subjects
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 far outweigh solely focusing on the main
subjects
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.

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task response
Your essay offers a balanced discussion on the topic, clearly presenting both perspectives. However, to improve task response, provide more specific and varied examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, ensure that all sentences within your paragraphs are closely linked to the main idea. This will enhance coherent development of ideas throughout your essay.
introduction conclusion
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion that frame your essay effectively.
supported main points
Your main points are clear and generally well-supported, especially with the contrast between focusing solely on main subjects and exploring beyond them.
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