It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
It is
significant
for Correct word choice
important
children
to teach them
what is right and wrong Correct pronoun usage
apply
since
Change preposition
from
their
early age. Punitive measures are mandatory to assist them Change the word
an
determine
Change preposition
in determining
this
difference. Although
there is an idea which is supporting the punishment the
Change preposition
of the
children
, I firmly believe, that the negative results of punishing
cannot be ignored.
Replace the word
punishment
Firstly
, any abuse action used for children
has a negative effect for
their physical and mental Change preposition
on
health
. If youngers
become victims of any kind of disciplinary Correct your spelling
youngsters
actions
, the probability of being ill will inevitable. Fix the agreement mistake
action
According to
The Health
Journal, the strict laws and their consequences for children
, including restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
for
smartphone Change preposition
on
using
, can damage Replace the word
use
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
health
of children
. Parents and teachers must be aware about
alternatives Change the preposition
of
of
punishments which can motivate them to be more clever, and adequate. Reading fairy tales about Change preposition
to
good
and bad traits of people can be the best example of encouragement.
Another point to consider is that punishing Correct article usage
the good
children
for their actions not only affect
the Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
children
, but it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
changes the mood of family
. Add an article
the family
In other words
, disappointment, and misunderstanding each other, because of punishment in the result of teaching what is wrong and what is correct, can lead to isolation, and breaking away. If a father punishes his children
, mother
cannot sit on one’s hand. Irritation of one person is enough for segregation.
In conclusion, the negative effects of punishment for whatever Add an article
the mother
a mother
children
have done are many.
There are several reasons like
hurting physical, and mental Change preposition
for
health
. Moreover
, crushing of the family integrity cannot be excluded.Submitted by mr.jailybaev on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay should provide a more balanced view on the topic. Acknowledge the opposing viewpoint by including arguments that support the use of punishment, even if you ultimately disagree with it. This will make your argument more comprehensive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of the essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, clearly supported by evidence or examples. Transitional phrases can help to make the progression of your argument smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined. The introduction should set the scene for your argument, and the conclusion should summarize the key points while restating your position.
task achievement
Provide more specific, relevant examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more clearly and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Your introduction gives a clear stance on the issue, making it easy for the reader to understand your position from the outset.
task achievement
You address both physical and mental health impacts of punishment, which shows an understanding of the broader implications of the issue.
task achievement
Adding a scholarly reference (The Health Journal) lends credibility to your argument and shows that you have researched the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.