IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that advertising manipulates consumers into buying unnecessary products. Discuss the reasons why advertising can be so powerful and what measures can be taken to protect consumers.

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It is often argued that consumers are manipulated by advertisers into buying useless items.
This
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 essay aims to showcase the reasons why the impact of advertising is so powerful and how can people avoid being overinfluenced. It is conspicuous that decision-makers in the advertising sector use numerous strategies aiming to sell their products. Indeed, they mainly focus on targeting viable clients , by analysing citizens's needs and psychology. In
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 regard, those retailers always try to develop advertisements that are related to family and social values
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 as the eco-friendly feature.
For instance
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, advertisements for electric cars are set up in
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 way.
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 breakthrough is exposed through putting forward its environmentally friendly character.
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, people who consume
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 type of car have the feeling to be moral and responsible citizens.
On the other hand
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, many others claim that consumers have to be protected against the hype. They consider that advertising is equal to manipulation.
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 is because advertisers mainly lie and avoid giving detrimental details about their products in order to sell their merchandise.
For
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 reason, it is considered that the government have to press those sellers to tell the truth when they are exposing their products. In order to illustrate
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 idea, let's analyse the aforementioned example about electric vehicles. These cars contain engines that use electricity to run, which is an eco-friendly energy.
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, electricity is manufactured using fossil fuels, which makes the process detrimental to our planet .
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, manufacturers have to be honest when announcing that these vehicles are 100% reliable for our environment. In conclusion, the main reason why advertising is equal to manipulation is that advertisers use psychological methods to influence consumers. Even though, the government should protect citizens through laws that will oblige announcers to be truthful.

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction to more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. This will help guide readers more effectively through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are connected with smooth transitions, improving the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Provide more varied examples in support of your main points to add depth to your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument regarding advertising strategies and their impact on consumers.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well thought out, with each paragraph contributing to the central thesis.
task achievement
Main points are developed and supported adequately, providing a convincing argument.
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