Students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

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In the modern day, there is a significant rise in school leavers. These students are stopping their education without learning the consequences, to be specific, managing their financial situation. There are various reasons behind

this

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This

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essay will discuss the cause and proposed solutions to

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issue. One of the main reasons for

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matter is that schools do not teach

children

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financial subjects.

While

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other curriculums are important, it is vital that

children

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need to learn how to handle money and why it is important to have it under control. In Australia, young people are allowed to work casual jobs at the age of 15. These youngsters have exposure to real-world jobs and earn bare minimum wages. Without proper guidance, some of them might think that they can earn money easily and spend more than they could afford.

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leads to

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loan burdens in the future, and it could take them years to pay back. The ideal solution to

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is adding an extra subject to teach

children

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about managing money. It can be taught in a way

that is

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children

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-friendly, so they are educated on monies, and how to treat it as a tool, rather than a goal.

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, parents are recommended to teach their

children

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when they are young, so they can have a basic concept of individual finance.

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, students should always be encouraged to continue with their studies, as they can reach higher salary expectations if they have the right knowledge.

To conclude

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, schools and society need to work hand-in-hand to reduce

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issue. Knowing the root cause and finding the right solutions will help the younger generation deal with personal finances appropriately.

Submitted by midden-02.tore on Mon Jun 17 2024

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task achievement

Your essay covers both the reasons and solutions to the problem effectively, but try to delve slightly deeper into each point to provide a more comprehensive analysis.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly. While your essay is well-organized, some transitions between points could be clearer.

coherence cohesion

You've presented a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your essay.

task achievement

Your examples, such as the scenario in Australia, add valuable context and illustrate your points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

279 words

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Students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

Computer and Al technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this positive or negative development?

Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problem can it cause?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking outweigh the disadvantages?