IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is obvious that as information technology growing really fast, more and more
custumers
Correct your spelling
customers
 choose online shopping
instead
Linking Words
 of shopping in
stores
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. That can cause a lot of questions. But it is true that online shopping cannot
replacing
Wrong verb form
replace
show examples
 shopping in
stores
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, and so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
replacing
Replace the word
replacement
show examples
 process is a negative development. Honestly, those two kind of shopping have their own benefits and drawbacks.
For example
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, online shopping can save many
time
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 on roads, finding goods and paying. As our life
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 busier, many people, especially those who live in cities, cannot have
such
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 a long spare
time
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 to go shopping in the mall, unless on weekends. So online shopping might be better when during workdays.
Besides
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, it is true that goods are usually cheaper online. To save money, more
custumers
Correct your spelling
customers
 will choose the cheaper ones.
However
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, the drawbacks of online shopping will be really easy to tell.
Firstly
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, we can't ensure the quality and the size of
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 things we buy. Like clothes, the
size
Fix the agreement mistake
sizes
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 of those are pretty different among various clothes
shops
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. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we need to try
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
 to make sure we have
buy
Wrong verb form
bought
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 suitable
one
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. But if we shop online, we can only guess which will suit us, though
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finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 we might still get the wrong
one
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.
Secondly
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,
although
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 these pretty things that are bought from websites are cheap, how can we ensure
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 safety?
For instance
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, food safety is always a great question to discuss. If it is sold online, the
ensurerance
Correct your spelling
insurance
 cannot be so strong as
stores
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 in real life. Another kind of shopping, in
stores
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, is a lot different. When those visitors come to a new city and plan to buy something to bring home, those local
shops
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 and malls will be the best choices. Meanwhile, it is enjoyable to walk in the big mall and to see variable goods. When it is Saturday, we can choose to enter a clothes store or just sit in a coffee shop and have a cup of tea to spend our free
time
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.
Besides
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those
Change the determiner
that enjoyble one
those enjoyble ones
show examples
enjoyble
Correct your spelling
enjoyable
one
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, it is really convenient when there's a supermarket near home. We can easily get the freshest fruit, vegetables and meat for meals.
That is
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 really good for our health. The disadvantages of shopping at
stores
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 can be
also
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 serious. Those activities all
takes
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take
show examples
time
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. It can be hard if the family cannot have any more spare
time
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 to on the way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those
shops
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, choose what to buy and go home. But the truth is,
stores
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 in real life still have more advantages than those online
shops
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. There will be no more disadvantages except
time
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 cost. In a word, it is a negative development that online shopping is replacing shopping in
stores
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. The significant point is
time
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. If have enough
time
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 to shop,
then
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stores
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 must be the best. But if we really
cannot
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 have more spare
time
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, just do some online shopping for convenience. Those two kinds of shopping cannot replace any
one
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 of them. Maybe it will be better to ensure those two can exist
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Work on sentence structure to improve clarity. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to their complexity or awkward phrasing. For example, 'But if we shop online, we can only guess which will suit us, though finally we might still get the wrong one.' could be rephrased for clarity.
ideas
Expand on examples and explanations to provide more depth to your arguments. While you mentioned some relevant examples, they could be further explained or additional examples provided to strengthen your points.
structure
Improve conclusion by summarizing key points more clearly. The conclusion should reiterate the main arguments discussed in the essay.
content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the positives and negatives of online shopping versus shopping in stores.
structure
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position, which helps to set the stage for the rest of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
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