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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviors are no longer relevant to the modern life and no worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

#customs #behaviors #life
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Nowadays, most of the
customs
 and traditional
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 which
associated
Add a missing verb
are associated
show examples
 with the past can not be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life and keeping them can be worthless. In my opinion, I strongly agree that eliminating
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 traditional
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 is a good idea
due to
time
-saving and increasing the rate of
quality
 in doing different activities.
firstly
, leaving many
customs
 and traditional ways of behaviours from the past can be a key step to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 a lot of
time
. because in the past, Many people had to travel long distances on foot or by horse to reach another city.
Capitalize word
That
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that
Capitalize word
That
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 is why, they are really
time-taking
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
show examples
 for them in order to arrive
Change preposition
at the
show examples
the
Change preposition
at the
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 location. so, on some occasions,they can not arrive on
time
.
therefore
 they lose that opportunity to do their tasks. so,
this
 strategy was really boring for the individuals. but these days many people can benefit from different kinds of
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 in order to travel
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 cities in the best possible form without any tiring and spending lots of
time
.
that is
 why,they can do their task on
time
.
secondly
, doing a great number of
customs
 and traditional ways of
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 related to the past can not be a good idea. because it causes
reduced
Correct article usage
a reduced
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rate of
quality
 in doing activities. in the past, many individuals wash their clothes by hand.
this
 way, they do not have enough power to clean them.
That is
 why, they have to use a large amount of water to clean the
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 very well
.
Correct your spelling
That
that is
 why,
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
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 amount of water for cleaning is not logical. but nowadays, thanks to technology, many people can use different smart tools, like washing machines to clean their clothes with a little water and the best
quality
. in conclusion, breaking old
customs
 and traditional ways of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 can not be a good idea because it can provide many problems,
such
 as spending a lot of
time
 and decreasing the rate of
quality
 in their tasks.
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

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language use
Work on the accuracy of your language use, especially with respect to grammar and vocabulary. Proofread your essay to avoid small mistakes.
task response
Use more specific and varied examples to better illustrate your points.
task response
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic and supports the position with relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with a logical flow of ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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