Some people say that the best way to improve the overall general health of the public is to offer more sports facilities. Others say that this would have little effect and other measures are necessary to improve public health. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Transportation is
one
of the most considerable factors when
people
travel
, and some believe that the best choice to reach a
city
is driving cars
while
others claim riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
should be the
way
. In my point of view,
bicycle
Add an article
the bicycle
a bicycle
show examples
is basically
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
option than
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
even though it totally depends on
Correct article usage
the situations
show examples
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
. On the
one
hand, the price of
bicycle
Add an article
a bicycle
show examples
allows numerous individuals to purchase it,
thus
it is effortless for them to have
one
. As an example, when
people
have a trip
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
city
with a huge group, more than
one
car
is required to
travel
them
Change preposition
with them
show examples
at once, which means that the
travel
fee becomes expensive.
In contrast
, riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
definitely reduces the cost,
additionally
, they can ride it even
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
a large community since everyone owns it.
Therefore
,
bicycle
Add an article
the bicycle
a bicycle
show examples
is an effective
way
to
travel
in an urban area because of its
affodability
Correct your spelling
affordability
and price, and I support
this
opinion.
On the other hand
, the price of a
bicycle
is much cheaper than a
car
, and all can buy it.In
adiition
Correct your spelling
addition
, the bike does not require any full and the technical settings are
also
cheap they are
also
more useful in
gruop
Correct your spelling
group
trips.Because the fare is more expensive if they
travel
by
car
and everyone can buy a
bicycle
therefore
due to
the cheapness and cost of the vilicoped,I think
this
idea is correct and support it.
On the other hand
, the
car
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
example
Add an article
an example
show examples
,the
car
is more comfortable,
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
hot weather and very cold or windy weather,and we can
also
say that the
car
is convenient for families with young children and elderly
people
. Another convenience of the machine is
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
does not require physical strength for a person. All adults can easily manage it.
Thus
under the extreme
whether
Correct your spelling
weather
show examples
,driving a
car
is the best
way
of travelling a
city
. In conclusion,
while
driving auto
mobilies
Correct your spelling
mobiles
mobilises
is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
excellent
way
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
some
specifie
Correct your spelling
specific
specified
occosions
Correct your spelling
occasions
occasion
,the merit of
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
mainly
out weighs
Correct your spelling
outweighs
show examples
that of cars.
Hence
, I personally argue that riding
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
is the best choice when
people
have a trip
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
city
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer division of ideas into paragraphs. Each main point should have a dedicated paragraph.
task achievement
Consider refining the supporting points with specific and detailed examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. For instance, avoid repeating the same point in different ways without additional value.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction states a clear stance on the topic, providing a basis for discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the viewpoints discussed, reinforcing your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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