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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than the world history. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 day and age,
history
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 is a subject in most schools worldwide. There is a heated controversy about whether
students
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’ national
history
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 weighs more than global
history
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 or not. From my perspective, I do not support any of them, putting forward that these two types of
history
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 are of equal significance. It is indisputable that local
history
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 is vital for youths to have a better understanding of their culture. As culture derives and evolves with
history
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, by learning the historical events happening to their ancestors, they can definitely have a superior understanding of the root of their culture, which can augment their cultural identity
as well as
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 ethnic pride, contributing to social cohesion. What is more, they can reckon the barricades on the way of their countries’ development, motivating them to cherish the present and strive for a brighter future.
For example
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, by understanding the trauma brought about by the Second World War, European teenagers can foster the concept of peace and prevent destructive war from occurring again.
However
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, it doesn’t automatically mean that the importance of global
history
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 can be disparaged.
To begin
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 with, for some historical events, different countries recorded them in separate ways, providing
students
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 with more details, so they can have a more objective view on the developments of humanity.
Also
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, there was a considerable gap between the routes of different countries’ developments.
Students
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 could compare what happened across different countries in the meantime through the expertise in
this
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 syllabus, training them to discover the merits and drawbacks of their development methods. They are
thus
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 encouraged to think critically rather than following the description in their textbooks discriminately, which is an essential ability in their future lives. In a nutshell, learning domestic
history
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 can nurture the
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students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
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sense of belonging and social cohesion
while
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 acquiring the knowledge of world
history
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 can boost the thoughts of critical thinking. These two courses are crucial to the same level for
students
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.

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task achievement
To elevate your essay further, consider elaborating a bit more on the specific examples you provided. This would enhance the impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. There was a slight abruptness between the first and second body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument with equal importance.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating your stance and summarizing your points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is well-organized with clear main points and supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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