Whether or not someone achieves aim in their life is mostly a question of luck. Do you agree or disagree?

#someone #aim #life #luck

Some

people

believe that

success

in life depends primarily on

luck

While

I believe that

luck

can make a person successful and rich, it is certainly not the most important factor. There is no doubt that

luck

matters in some ways.

Firstly

luck

helps

people

get

opportunities

For example

people

who win the

womb-lottery

Correct your spelling

womb lottery

show examples

and are born in rich families, certainly get more

opportunities

than

people

born in poor families.

Secondly

, today

success

is mainly defined by wealth and there are a lot of ways in which

luck

can help

people

to become wealthy. To illustrate, they can win a lottery or win money through shares in the stock market.

However

, I believe that hard

work

and talent are much more important than

luck

. The main reason is that

luck

can get

people

opportunities

but to have sustained

success

in life

people

need to

work

hard.

For example

, because of nepotism, an actor’s son may get a movie role, but if he is not talented and hardworking, he

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

not get future

opportunities

Similarly

, a person might be lucky to be born rich but unless he studies hard, he would not be able to get into a good university, and without

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

education, it is nearly impossible to be successful in life today.

Moreover

, there is so much competition in the world today that

luck

alone is not enough. If

people

are not

hard working

Add a hyphen

hard-working

show examples

, they cannot grow. They would be stuck

Change preposition

show examples

the same position.

Finally

, I think

success

also

about a person’s mental satisfaction and the satisfaction that

people

achieve from hard

work

can never be achieved by winning a lottery or getting lucky. In conclusion, I would like to repeat that

luck

can help us be successful in some ways, but hard

work

and talent matter much more.

Submitted by aamenis on Fri Jan 26 2024

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coherence cohesion

Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that logically follows the previous paragraph. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

Introduce more complex vocabulary and sentence structures to deepen the analysis of your main points.

task achievement

Fully address all parts of the task to ensure a complete response. Make sure to directly answer the question posed and maintain focus on that argument throughout the essay.

task achievement

Support your ideas with a variety of examples. Including personal experiences, historical examples, or references to current events can help to illustrate your points more vividly.

task achievement

Ensure your conclusion sums up your arguments effectively. Restate your thesis in a way that reflects the discussion in your essay to provide a clear resolution.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

302 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Whether or not someone achieves aim in their life is mostly a question of luck. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

An increasing number of doctors and professors are leaving their poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does it cause and what are the solutions.

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars.

Many people think it is very important to protect the environment but they make no effort to do it themselves. Why do you think this is the case? What actions should individuals take to protect the environment?

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience You should write at least 250 words.