IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Whether or not someone achieves aim in their life is mostly a question of luck. Do you agree or disagree?

#someone #aim #life #luck
Some
people
 believe that
success
 in life depends primarily on
luck
.
While
 I believe that
luck
 can make a person successful and rich, it is certainly not the most important factor. There is no doubt that
luck
 matters in some ways.
Firstly
,
luck
 helps
people
 get
opportunities
.
For example
,
people
 who win the
womb-lottery
Correct your spelling
womb lottery
show examples
 and are born in rich families, certainly get more
opportunities
 than
people
 born in poor families.
Secondly
, today
success
 is mainly defined by wealth and there are a lot of ways in which
luck
 can help
people
 to become wealthy. To illustrate, they can win a lottery or win money through shares in the stock market.
However
, I believe that hard
work
 and talent are much more important than
luck
. The main reason is that
luck
 can get
people
opportunities
 but to have sustained
success
 in life
people
 need to
work
 hard.
For example
, because of nepotism, an actor’s son may get a movie role, but if he is not talented and hardworking, he
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not get future
opportunities
.
Similarly
, a person might be lucky to be born rich but unless he studies hard, he would not be able to get into a good university, and without
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 education, it is nearly impossible to be successful in life today.
Moreover
, there is so much competition in the world today that
luck
 alone is not enough. If
people
 are not
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
, they cannot grow. They would be stuck
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same position.
Finally
, I think
success
 is
also
 about a person’s mental satisfaction and the satisfaction that
people
 achieve from hard
work
 can never be achieved by winning a lottery or getting lucky. In conclusion, I would like to repeat that
luck
 can help us be successful in some ways, but hard
work
 and talent matter much more.
Submitted by aamenis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that logically follows the previous paragraph. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more complex vocabulary and sentence structures to deepen the analysis of your main points.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task to ensure a complete response. Make sure to directly answer the question posed and maintain focus on that argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
Support your ideas with a variety of examples. Including personal experiences, historical examples, or references to current events can help to illustrate your points more vividly.
task achievement
Ensure your conclusion sums up your arguments effectively. Restate your thesis in a way that reflects the discussion in your essay to provide a clear resolution.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
What to do next:
Look at other essays: