Some believe that advances in technology are increasing the gap between rich and poor, while others think the opposite is happening. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Obviously, technological advancements entail both positive and negative effects on society.
Following
this
, it is believed among some people
that the difference between rich and poor is being increased due to
advanced technology, whereas
others suppose that is
not. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the latter statement.
In truth, enhanced technologies
brought about the glaring gulf between rich and poor people
. Undeniably, the rich most of the time possess cutting-edge gadgets in comparison with the poor, since this
type of devices
is not offered at Fix the agreement mistake
device
affordable
price. Correct article usage
an affordable
Consequently
, an opinion that the more wealthy you are the more modern and expensive technologies
you have was formed in society. For example
, Correct article usage
the Iphone
Iphone
and Apple itself are recognised as the Correct your spelling
iPhone
device
of Fix the agreement mistake
devices
the
rich Correct article usage
apply
people
. From this
point of view, advances in technologies
, indeed, increased the gap between polar classes.
In contrast
, detractors assert that enhanced devices
have positive implications. Advanced technologies
allow to bridge
Replace the word
bridging
the
gulf between rich and poor by providing an opportunity Change preposition
of the
to
the latter to attain a peculiar skillset, to become Change preposition
for
proficent
in and versed in many fields through the gadgets, connected to Correct your spelling
proficient
Internet
. Add an article
the Internet
For instance
, Khan Academy is one of the free of charge
educational platforms where one can acquire Add a hyphen
free-of-charge
the
certain knowledge. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, a chance to obtain knowledge or to gain new skills online and for free lets such
people
to
become equal to the rich in terms of education, and, as it is known, getting Fix the infinitive
apply
education
is a path to economic success.
On the whole, I can support the view that advances in technology presumably led to the increased difference between rich and poor. Add an article
an education
Nevertheless
, I strongly believe that such
implications of the digital age as the enhanced devices
bring about more positive influence than negative, as they allow to secure brighter
future for the Correct article usage
a brighter
underpriviliged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
people
. Provided that
Correct word choice
apply
people
did not have advanced technoligies
, they would not be able to change their current poor situation somehow, because modern tools provide an enormous variety of ways to earn money.
To summarise, technological advancements cause the gap between rich and poor from the one side. But at the same time, advances in Correct your spelling
technologies
technologies
bridge the gulf between Fix the agreement mistake
technology
mentioned
groups of Correct article usage
the mentioned
people
. On balance
I think that modern and cutting-edge Add a comma
balance,
devices
entail positive effects on society.Submitted by khotkina.ma on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to avoid confusion.
Task Achievement
Clarify some of the points made to ensure they are easily understood.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as mentioning Khan Academy, which effectively support your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example