Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form punishment. However, other hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s globalised world, there is a debate about the all committing crime
people
should serve a prison sentence,
while
some
people
claim that less harsh criminals have to be involved in other alternative activities. In
this
essay, I will explore both sides and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, imprisonment is an effective
punishment
for those who carry out severe injuries
such
as murder, terrorism, assault, drugs etc. All these mentioned
crimes
have a destructive effect on nations.
That is
why, the perpetrators of these
crimes
have to deprive for two reasons.
Firstly
, it will be a lesson for others to deter from breaking the law.
Secondly
, strong
punishment
will secure nations from harsh re-offending
crimes
.
For instance
,
people
who consume drugs might
crimes
of passion, especially murder, caused by sexual jealousy. Those who taste one-time drugs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will find it difficult to refuse consumption and maybe they will attract others too.
On the other hand
, some
people
advocate that there exists alternative
punishment
which will be suitable for the community to involve lawbreakers.
For example
, community service, penalties, probations and others. Involving individuals who break the law in community service will cause positive actions for the public. They consider that co-existence is one of the effective civilization solutions in the world.
In addition
, depriving all criminals is ineffective, because it requires a lot of money and space to service these prisoners.
To sum up
, we cannot deny the fact that all two arguments have their own positive and negative sides, but what type of
punishment
will be used depends on the severity of the crime.
Submitted by shani.menglieva.94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay covers both sides of the argument well, but there is room for improvement in organizing your ideas more clearly. Consider structuring each paragraph to focus on one main point and use linking words more effectively to create a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are specific and directly support the points you are making. At times, the examples provided are somewhat general and could be more detailed to illustrate your arguments better.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view of both perspectives, showing a clear understanding of the topic. This adds strength to your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the main points effectively, contributing to a cohesive essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: