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Band 5

Some people believe that technology has improved our lives, while others think that it has made our lives worse. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion.

#people #technology #lives
Certain individuals think that
technology
 has revolutionized lives but others
says
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say
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 it has a lot of threats which are detrimental to humanity. Both ideas have considerable reasons to make up
such
 an opinion
however
 I am on the advantageous side of
technology
. In
this
 essay, all the ideas will be discussed to describe why
this
 kind of opinion is shaped by
such
 individuals. Primarily,
technology
 is used in fields
such
 as communication and transportation which has transformed the lifestyle of
people
. It has changed the way a person communicates which is quicker than the past techniques. To exemplify, in the past
people
 wrote letters which took about a month to receive by
Add an article
the
show examples
receiver but nowadays they can easily communicate with just one click or swipe on any social media
platforms
Fix the agreement mistake
platform
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 with an account. So, it is really easy to start communication with anyone with the help of the Internet.
On the contrary
, there are many downsides which can be harmful
for
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to
show examples
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 health of an individual.
For instance
, many teenagers are becoming prey
of
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to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online predators who just want to use innocent minds to exploit them. They send them their morphed nude pictures created with photo edit tools and blackmail them. These young
people
 get scared and are easily trapped in their tricks. Ergo, parents need to be cautious about the profiles that their kids have on social media platforms and need to be continuously
monitered
Correct your spelling
monitored
 to avoid any difficult situation like that. In conclusion,
technology
 has many upsides and these uses are too crucial for the success of the human species.
Although
, some disadvantages exist but cannot outweigh the positivity spread in the lives of
people
. From my perspective, a little bit frugal attitude of an individual can save a person from getting trapped in the insecure world of
technology
.
Submitted by Kiran on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the transitions between some of the points could be smoother. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to strengthen the coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for your essay, but they could benefit from being slightly more developed. Try to make your thesis statement in the introduction a bit more specific and provide a stronger concluding remark.
Task Achievement
Most of your main points are supported well with relevant examples. However, ensure that every main point you raise is backed up with a specific and relevant example to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your opinion clearly. To score higher, ensure all arguments are fully elaborated and consider addressing potential counterarguments.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing your opinion clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure and organization of your essay are well done, making it easy to follow the flow of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and frame the essay well, aiding in clarity and overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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