These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In contemporary
society
, it is common for fathers to become the main nurturers while
mothers
earn income. This
trend originates from a shift in perception of women
's roles
, moving away from traditional gender roles
toward recognizing women
's rights
to continue working and engaging in social activities despite childbirth. These changes allow women
to demonstrate their capabilities and contribute significantly to society
.
Such
a trend, where men look after their children and take domestic responsibilities instead
of mothers
, stems from a shift in perspectives on women
's roles
. In the past, females had no choice but to do fixed work such
as nurturers or house chores, mainly influenced by traditional and conservative ideas that women
should take domestic responsibilities while
staying at home. This
idea has been deeply rooted in our society
for thousands of years. However
, numerous campaigns and protests for women
's rights
during industrialization have transformed the perception of women
’s social roles
. This
notion allows females to build their career trajectories and freely do social activities. These groundbreaking changes have raised awareness about women
's social rights
, greatly contributing to the increase in the number of working women
. Consequently
, fathers are now more likely to take parental leave and share in nurturing responsibilities.
This
innovative transformation of females’ social position can be regarded as a positive move since mothers
can continue to do their social activities despite childbirth. These radical shifts provide women
with greater opportunities for societal advancements in their spheres,
Remove the comma
apply
while
climbing the corporate ladder or recognizing their abilities from others. Furthermore
, many women
who can maintain their careers after giving have been successful and outstanding in various fields, including science, IT, and politics. A salient example can be
a famous female politician “Hillary Clinton”, who is active in the U.S. political field and exerts a great influence on the public. “Maire Curie” was Wrong verb form
is
also
an influential figure in biology and chemistry areas by creating innovative inventions and discovering new theories. Nowadays, these women
's solid positions have become irreplaceable in our society
, generating lots of talented females who make great contributions to society
. Consequently
, stable regulations for parental and maternal leaves are required to juggle the role of mothers
with work.
In conclusion, the shift towards recognizing women
's rights
and roles
has led to positive societal changes, enabling women
to pursue their careers and contribute significantly to various fields. As a result
, fathers taking on nurturing roles
and the implementation of stable parental leave policies are essential to support this
ongoing transformation.Submitted by uzookim on
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task prompt well by discussing reasons for the trend and taking a standpoint on its positivity, it slightly lacks depth in exploration of counterarguments or other possible reasons why fathers are staying home. Including a bit of discussion on economic factors or changing societal norms would have made the argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to ensuring more streamlined flow and transitions between ideas. For instance, the essay could have been organized better by discussing all reasons first and then moving on to its positive aspects to create a more logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and engaging introduction and conclusion that encapsulates the main arguments well.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples, such as citing public figures like Hillary Clinton and Marie Curie, effectively to support its points.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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