IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

To what extent do you agree with the statement: "Governments should impose higher taxes on fast food to discourage unhealthy eating habits"?

#governments #taxes #food #habits
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Because of the harms of fast
foods
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, it is sometimes argued that governments should increase the
taxes
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 on
this
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 type of
food
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 so it could prevent
people
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 from eating unhealthy meals that could lead them to many diseases, from obesity and diabetes to heart stroke. Despite knowing the harms of fast
food
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, I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
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 idea. There are several reasons why I would disagree with the idea of imposing higher
taxes
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 on fast
food
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.
Firstly
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, fast
food
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 is the main portion of many
people
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 that live in the urban area, from students to workers and employees.
For example
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, I remember when I was at school, I used to order sandwiches and hotdogs; despite their low prices, they were delicious.
Secondly
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, you could find fast
food
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 anywhere at any time, so it could be a privilege for individuals who do not have enough time to make their meals.
Lastly
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, raising
taxes
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 didn’t work in many other issues, making life more difficult for
people
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 from lower economic classes. In my opinion, a helpful approach could help
people
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 to avoid fast
food
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 and
instead
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 try healthy and veggie
foods
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.
For instance
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, they teach children about unhealthy eating habits early in elementary school or through the media. Unfortunately, there are many advertisements about junkies and non-nutritious
foods
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 on TV and social media platforms.
People
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, especially teenagers, face a load of
such
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 advertisements each day that could lead them to an unhealthy diet. I believe governments could take steps to address
this
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 issue. They could provide more healthy
food
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 in schools and institute restrictions about advertising non-profitable
foods
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. In conclusion, I believe that raising fast
food
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taxes
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 is not a good approach and that we should try other approaches.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear stance (disagreement) and tackled the task effectively. However, your argument would be stronger if you elaborated more on the health benefits of alternatives to fast food or provided more examples of successful approaches.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, but make sure to enhance the logical progression between your ideas. For instance, connect your personal anecdote about fast food during school to broader societal implications.
supported main points
You've mentioned several points against fast food taxes, but the essay could benefit from more detailed supporting examples and a deeper exploration of alternative solutions to discourage unhealthy eating habits.
positive introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which supports readability and comprehension.
positive coherence cohesion
You have used appropriate linking words (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Lastly'), which aids in coherence and helps the reader follow your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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