IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advatanges of having an ageing population outweigh the disavantages?

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There is no denying the fact that nowadays the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer than before.
while
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that the proportion of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing and it could create potential issues for governments, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that it is important to recognize the benefits that old
individuals
Use synonyms
 bring to society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, having old
individuals
Use synonyms
 in our lives is essential.
In other words
Linking Words
, we can learn from their past and avoid any possible challenges, on the grounds that many young
people
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 lack life experience.
In addition
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, youth can benefit from them by listening to their stories and gaining some wisdom from those who have lived through different eras.
For example
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, if someone is struggling in life, they may seek advice from an elderly person to overcome their difficulties.
On the other hand
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, old
people
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's needs are expensive. It is
also
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 possible to say that, they often require healthcare services and specialized facilities.
Moreover
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, most regions do not have
such
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 an immense amount of money to build or enhance specific sectors for them.
For instance
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, African countries
such
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 as Somalia, already have great debts, so they can not allocate any part of their budgets to take care of elderly
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend strongly to believe that the benefits of having older
individuals
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 far exceed the drawbacks. Older
individuals
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 bring valuable knowledge and experience to society, which can help young
people
Use synonyms
 navigate life's challenges.

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task response
The essay provides a clear position and covers both sides of the argument, which is good. However, try to elaborate more on the points made and provide additional relevant examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally coherent with a good use of linking words and phrases. However, the introduction could be improved by rephrasing for smoothness, and transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task response
You have a strong conclusion that clearly states your opinion and summarizes the main points of the essay. This helps to reinforce your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, and the main points are well-supported in each paragraph. This helps to maintain clarity throughout the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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