Many countries spend a lot of money on art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #money #art #people #investment #health #education

Arts is an activity that

people

usually do to express their emotions and imagination.

Therefore

, some

people

think that it is necessary to increase amazing creativity and imagination.

Nevertheless

, I do agree with the former argument for some reasons that are set out below. Currently, there are lots of young generation that have amazing potential in doing

art

This

can be a good innovation for youngsters to grow their creativity to be great innovators

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

future

by expressing their amazing ideas. By doing

art

, young

people

can create new aesthetic

designs

that have never been discovered before.

Therefore

, governments around the world must be able to consider

art

as a necessary innovation to create new innovative and futuristic things in the

future

Besides

art

can be a great source of business in the

future

because it gives more varieties,

such

as digital, handmade, and painting

art

which creative

people

can sell on various websites, including at NFT Open Sea, where they can earn a lot of digital

money

that can be converted into real currency. Based on my research, when the government invests their

money

art

, it can help to create more job opportunities for more than 10.000 architects around the world who can build unique infrastructures,

for instance

, the Shanghai Tower in China, Burj Khalifa in Dubai, and the Twin Towers in Malaysia.

Consequently

, with all of modern technology, the

future

will have more futuristic and sophisticated city

designs

that can accommodate more city dwellers in the

future

. In conclusion, I believe that investing

money

art

is crucial because of the opportunity to gain

money

, increase job opportunities for architects, and gain new futuristic

designs

both for things and city

designs

Submitted by kelly on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a discussion on both views regarding investment in art and its potential benefits. However, it could be more balanced by providing more detailed arguments for spending on health and education.

coherence cohesion

While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the paragraphing could be improved for better readability. Additionally, transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, impacting the logical flow.

task achievement

Examples such as the use of NFTs and famous buildings are relevant, but they could be explained in more detail to better support the main points.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader navigate through the arguments.

task achievement

The points about art fostering creativity, potential financial benefits, and job creation are well-recognized and relevant to the discussion.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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