Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
As contemporaries are confronted with increasingly intense
competition
, people
are now reflecting on the meanings of competition
for them. From my perspective, omnipresent competition
is a double-edged sword, on the one
hand, it can raise aggressiveness and hence
individuals
to obtain higher achievements; on the other hand
, it will hinder individuals
from recognising the importance of collaboration, leading to disproportionately focusing on competition
with others.
This
disadvantage of competition
has so often been overlooked, especially in some Asian countries as
China, Japan, or South Korea, that citizens there are inclined to perceive classmates or colleagues as immediate competitors rather than potential partners who will bring a reciprocal relationship. Correct quantifier usage
such as
One
compelling example is seen in an appalling crime happening at Fudan University, where a student named Yao Jiaxin poisoned his roommate since
he worried that the roommate "would" occupy his undergraduate opportunity. The abhorrent crime could have been totally different if the atmosphere of society had actively promoted Correct word choice
because
people
to develop the awareness of collaboration, instead
of merely inculcating the idea that all others are competitors who are
intended to deprive you of your chances.
Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, this
does not suggest that competition
can only bring adverse influences. On the contrary
, as mentioned in the beginning, when controlled at an appropriate level, it is able to realise individuals
' potential and help them make achievements. This
kind of illustration is myriad, one
of which is Elon Musk, the earliest founder of Tesla and SpaceX. Musk once said one
of motivations
for establishing Tesla was that his counterparts serving for other automobile companies did not believe he would succeed, which ignited his aggressiveness and he made the determination to prove himself and defeat them. Obviously, out of proper motivations can Correct pronoun usage
their motivations
his motivations
her motivations
competition
help individuals
achieve what they have not conceived before.
In summary, competition
is a double-edged sword. If people
pursue objects with excessive aggressiveness, they presumably hurt both themselves and those surrounding them. Nevertheless
, people
do not have to be afraid of competitive awareness, when directed in the right direction, it can also
contribute to individuals
' development.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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task response
To enhance task response, ensure each idea is fully developed with specific examples and explanations, which could deepen the analysis of competition and cooperation.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the transition between ideas, making sure they smoothly connect and further strengthen the logical flow of the essay.
task response
The essay presents a clear and balanced argument on the benefits and drawbacks of competition, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively outline and summarize the essay's main points, providing a strong framework for the discussion.
task response
Specific examples, such as the story of Elon Musk and the incident at Fudan University, effectively support the main argument and add depth to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.