IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

New parents should attend parenting courses to bring their children well

#parents #courses #children
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Some believe new
parents
Use synonyms
 should attend parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 to raise their kids well. I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
Linking Words
. idea to a large extent. There are several reasons why I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 joining
this
Linking Words
 class can not help them bring up kids well. One of the reasons is that every child is unique, but these
courses
Use synonyms
 face too many kids’
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, an extroverted kid interested in arts and an introverted kid with an immense talent for mathematics could not use the same method learned from the
courses
Use synonyms
 to raise.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, since it will consume a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 if new
parents
Use synonyms
 decide to attend the class, they will have no
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their
children
Use synonyms
;
by contrast
Linking Words
, using
time
Use synonyms
 to educate
children
Use synonyms
 through
parents
Use synonyms
’ company is better than through theory. Admittedly, some people may argue that these
courses
Use synonyms
 can help
parents
Use synonyms
 take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 well to a certain extent. Simply because some important knowledge,
such
Linking Words
 as feeding, health could be learned; since new
parents
Use synonyms
 lack the knowledge of nutrition combination they fear affecting kids’ health condition.
However
Linking Words
, they forget the fact that there are many ways to get the information better than attending classes.
For instance
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
, since there is a large sum of information which could be searched with the development of technology, you do not have to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 and money to join course;
secondly
Linking Words
, unlike those who learn
children
Use synonyms
 raising theory from the
courses
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 going to specific
children
Use synonyms
 hospital may get some more professional advice. All in all, I am certain that the new
parents
Use synonyms
 attending parenting classes can not help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raise kids well as the
courses
Use synonyms
 do not fit everyone,
although
Linking Words
 they could learn some
theory
Fix the agreement mistake
theories
show examples
.
Submitted by yihualuo525 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to make the introduction clearer by rephrasing it. For example: 'Some believe that attending parenting courses is essential for new parents to raise their children well. However, I largely disagree with this idea.'
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices such as 'moreover', 'in addition', and 'consequently' to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed. For instance, further elaborate on why spending time with children directly is more beneficial than attending classes.
task achievement
Add more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. Providing real-life scenarios or studies can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and aligns with the points mentioned in the essay.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and maintain your stance throughout the essay, which shows a consistent response to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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