Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Statistics show certain breeds of animals are on the verge of extinction, and a large proportion of them are facing the same risk. In line with
this
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, there is a growing concern among the populace about what the future holds for
this
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species
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. As
that is
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the case, I will elaborate
my
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on my
show examples
point of view on problems and solutions for
this
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issue with evidence for each claim. The forest is the main habitat for most of the animals specifically those that are categorised as wild.
However
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, it has been constantly destroyed by human beings with immoral acts
such
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as deforestation, animal poaching, urbanisation and so on.
For instance
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, the trees there are cut down for urbanisation development. Just by doing
this
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, many wild creatures live on the stack. Where should they stay if their home is just a free land without anything else like their source of food? In conclusion, animals who lost their habitat are the reason for the statement above.
Moreover
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, climate change
also
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is
one
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of the reasons. With the growing Earth’s
temperature
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, ice cubes at the North Pole are melting at a faster rate. The average
temperature
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there
also
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steadily increases from
one
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year to another year;
This
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temperature
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is less ideal for polar bears that need cold temperatures to survive. It opposes their nature and disrupts the polar bear's life cycle.
To sum up
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, there is no doubt that the increase in Earth’s
temperature
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is
one
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of the problems. To counter
this
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issue, the elected government should tighten laws related to endangered
species
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.
Although
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, there are already several laws about
this
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, now is the time for the higher-ups to step up their game in curbing
this
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issue. To illustrate, they could increase the amount of fine and jailing period to the
one
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that breaks the rule.
Consequently
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, the defendants will realise their action is the
one
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that destroys their future. In short, laws are important in keeping endangered
species
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safe. To summarise,
species
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that show signs of extinction are mostly
due to
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humans and climate alteration. After a thorough analysis of
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subject, we as a responsible human must play a role in protecting these creatures before they disappear right in front of us.

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task achievement
Try to add more concrete examples and statistics to bolster your arguments, and clarify some points with more precise reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise. Also, use transition words more effectively to ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the topic and provided relevant reasons and solutions to the issue presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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