Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#species #animals #risk

Statistics show certain breeds of animals are on the verge of extinction, and a large proportion of them are facing the same risk. In line with

this

, there is a growing concern among the populace about what the future holds for

this

species

. As

that is

the case, I will elaborate

Change preposition

on my

show examples

point of view on problems and solutions for

this

issue with evidence for each claim. The forest is the main habitat for most of the animals specifically those that are categorised as wild.

However

, it has been constantly destroyed by human beings with immoral acts

such

as deforestation, animal poaching, urbanisation and so on.

For instance

, the trees there are cut down for urbanisation development. Just by doing

this

, many wild creatures live on the stack. Where should they stay if their home is just a free land without anything else like their source of food? In conclusion, animals who lost their habitat are the reason for the statement above.

Moreover

, climate change

also

one

of the reasons. With the growing Earth’s

temperature

, ice cubes at the North Pole are melting at a faster rate. The average

temperature

there

also

steadily increases from

one

year to another year;

This

temperature

is less ideal for polar bears that need cold temperatures to survive. It opposes their nature and disrupts the polar bear's life cycle.

To sum up

, there is no doubt that the increase in Earth’s

temperature

one

of the problems. To counter

this

issue, the elected government should tighten laws related to endangered

species

Although

, there are already several laws about

this

, now is the time for the higher-ups to step up their game in curbing

this

issue. To illustrate, they could increase the amount of fine and jailing period to the

one

that breaks the rule.

Consequently

, the defendants will realise their action is the

one

that destroys their future. In short, laws are important in keeping endangered

species

safe. To summarise,

species

that show signs of extinction are mostly

due to

humans and climate alteration. After a thorough analysis of

this

subject, we as a responsible human must play a role in protecting these creatures before they disappear right in front of us.

Submitted by alisyashazzy on Sat Sep 28 2024

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task achievement

Try to add more concrete examples and statistics to bolster your arguments, and clarify some points with more precise reasoning.

coherence cohesion

Some sentences could be more concise. Also, use transition words more effectively to ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to another.

coherence cohesion

You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

You have effectively addressed the topic and provided relevant reasons and solutions to the issue presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

368 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

species extinction
endangered animals
biodiversity
habitat loss
deforestation
urbanization
poaching
illegal wildlife trade
climate change
pollution
conservation efforts
legislation
enforcement
human overpopulation
sustainable development
responsible consumption
education
awareness programs
protected areas
wildlife reserves
international cooperation
collaboration

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Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

task 2: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.