Task 2 In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people thing there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.
Currently, it is considered that people living longer than ever before.
While
some believe that an ageing society appears an issue for governments, some figures oppose this
statement. Personally, there are two main points, showing benefits where more elderly exist in society.
As older our age, as weaker we are, being a stereotype in societies where age is always linked to the quality of life. There are many cases, especially in developing countries such
as India and Indonesia where health care service, food sources, and infrastructure are limited, encourage governments should allocate more money to make sure that all of these aspects are available for every generation in their country.
Even though it seems to have a negative impact on the government, it would not be a serious matter where good economic management like Sweden and other developed countries has,
been implicated in others who still struggle with Remove the comma
apply
this
problem. Furthermore
, the most important role of the elderly is being a social control in communities. Lack of moral values leads to problems such
as sexual violence and bullying where the Elderly could play a crucial role, in educating their surroundings about the importance of social norms and conventions as simple as how to be respectful to others and many more. In addition
, old people could be a source of knowledge related to the original cultures, preventing the young generation from losing their identity, as well as
making sure that they could preserve and continue the good values contained in their cultural traditions.
To conclude
, having more elderly will have a more positive impact in many countries as a social control and also
to make sure that many cultural traditions can be preserved and continue for the next generations. Moreover
, financial issues which many states have faced could be managed with a good and wiser fiscal system.Submitted by mukarramailham on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that each idea is well elaborated with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Refine your language to avoid repetition and redundancy. For example, avoid repeating points made earlier in the essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and provide more specific instances to strengthen your arguments, particularly when discussing countries other than Sweden.
task achievement
Make sure that all sentences are fully developed and clear. Some parts of the essay contain minor grammatical errors that may obscure the meaning.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and well-organized, beginning with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The points are clearly conveyed and the argument is comprehensible. There is a good balance in presenting both sides of the argument and then focusing on advantages.
task achievement
The essay covers important aspects such as healthcare, economic impact, and social values, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.