IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, and others prefer to change their jobs from time to time. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Employment is an essential part of human
life
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. Most people prefer to stay on one career path throughout their
life
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 that makes them master in their career,
while
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 others choose to explore various
jobs
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 which will give them diverse experiences. In my opinion,
this
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 idea depends on an individual's interests and decisions.
Firstly
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, people who try to stay in the same profession for a long time can get many
benefits
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, the most obvious benefit is they will become masters of the specific skill that gives them a deep understanding of the
work
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 that they are pursuing. At the same time, it
also
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 helps them improve their mental health and allows them to do the job properly.
For instance
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, doing the same
work
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 for a longer time will increase their concentration and they will know everything about that specific thing. The third point in favour is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 will give them various
work
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benefits
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 at
job
Add an article
a job
the job
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 which include medical
benefits
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, employee discounts, retirement
benefits
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 and so on.
On the other hand
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, exploring various
jobs
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 will experience diverse
work
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 environments that allow them to think creatively and personal development.
Besides
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 that, changing
jobs
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 creates an opportunity for higher pay slips and better
benefits
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 especially if you move to a company operating overseas.
For instance
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, if you are pursuing a culinary field and get an opportunity to become an
entrepreneurin
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entrepreneur in
entrepreneur
 abroad, it will be an important change in your career
life
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. In conclusion, I believe that staying in the same job will make them top at their
work
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 and it allows them to get more
benefits
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 in their personal
life
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 and professional growth.
This
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 growth would not be possible for people who do not change
jobs
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 often, but they will have more creative ideas and they will face new opportunities that allow them to make more money in future.
Therefore
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 my opinion to that it depends on a person's mindset and situation.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention real-life examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using more transition words or phrases. This will improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure that every sentence structure is clear and concise.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which addresses the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, providing a good framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported and logically structured, making the essay easy to follow.
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