Today, the lifespan of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in the workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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These days, global communities have more lifetimes than prior generations, so a group of
people
believe that it is important that
people
have several years more than previous workers. I subscribe to
this
idea owing to the fact that old
people
have a lot of experience and motivation has a positive effect on their health. On the one hand, the fact
that is
really important is that when
people
spend more time in special industries, they learn more about them.
In other words
, an experience that employees obtain from their
work
needs to be shared with the young generations;
as a result
, when both groups of them
work
with each other,
this
situation creates a chance for the youth to learn their accumulated expertise and improve the efficiency of companies.
On the other hand
, older individuals are required to
work
inasmuch as their routine for the long run is that get up in the early morning and go to
work
after that, in the evening, their
work
is finished and they can come back to their house .
While
in their retirement they do not have any
work
and extract from their habit;
consequently
, they get a range of socially engaged, and mentally alert;
Nevertheless
, working provides a sense of purpose and fulfilment for them.
To conclude
, in my opinion, the labourers who are elderly populations have several benefits for the companies and new employees and it has a positive influence on the health system on account of the fact that
this
trend prevents mental and body issues.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good flow and logical structure; however, make sure that all your paragraphs are connected with clear transitions to maintain coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have organized the essay into distinct paragraphs, with each one tackling a specific point, contributing to logical structure.
task achievement
The central argument is generally well-supported with reasons and explanations.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lifespan
  • workforce
  • invaluable experience
  • mentorship
  • expertise
  • accumulated knowledge
  • socially engaged
  • sense of purpose
  • fulfillment
  • pension system sustainability
  • social welfare
  • economy
  • imbalance
  • employment opportunities
  • aging bodies
  • financial burden
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