Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Many teenagers are spending time more than 60 minutes daily on their technological
mobilephones
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mobile phones
.
This
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phenomenon can
be occurred
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occur
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by many factors. In my view, there are many merits in adolescents’ development, which will be examined in
this
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essay. There are two main factors, which can lead to spending hours on smartphones of youths. The first reason is that it is routine behaviours
leadind
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lead
to
they
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them
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can be
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being
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addicted to
utilize
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utilising
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it.
In other words
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, it is undeniable that following trends in online
platform
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platforms
show examples
using
smartphone
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smartphones
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is popular among
this
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generation.
For instance
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, the phone is utilized for posting pictures or chatting with friends
mowadays
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nowadays
.
Secondly
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, There is no limited time
spending
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spent
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in
this
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circumsatnce
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circumstance
. To illustrate, some parents do not restrict their children and neglect
this
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over uses
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overuse
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. Fortunately,
this
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phenomenon can bring various advantages, which comprise
of
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apply
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educational and relaxing aspects.
Firstly
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, many are able to find out sources in education.
For example
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, my neighbours using the
smartphones
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smartphone
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experience, not only solving
homeworks
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homework
but
also
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observing
a
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apply
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research.
Moreover
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, they can improve individual performances and skills since there are additional language
channel
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channels
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on
Youtube
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the Youtube
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platform presently.
For example
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, teenagers who require to learn new
vocabularies
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vocabulary
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of
the
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a
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foreign language,
which
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apply
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can
access
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be accessed
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easily. The
further
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adavantage
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advantage
is that for relaxation. People around the world can listen
worldwide
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to worldwide
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music and variety shows.
Hence
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, embracing
phone
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phones
show examples
can
reliefe
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relieve
relief
stress to people. In conclusion,
this
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statement is caused by individual behaviour and not restricted parents.
However
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, I personally believe that
this
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is a positive development
of
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for
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teenagers, which they can
be improved
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improve
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education
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their education
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and
received
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receive
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relaxation.
Submitted by arunrak.wk on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your ideas are fully developed and examples are elaborated more clearly. For instance, you mentioned the use of smartphones for educational purposes but gave minimal details.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, work on making smoother transitions between your ideas. For example, when moving from the reasons for smartphone use to its benefits, use clearer linking phrases.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines the perspective of the essay.
complete response
You provided relevant points on why teenagers use smartphones and the potential benefits this usage can bring.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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