Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many teenagers are spending time more than 60 minutes daily on their technological
mobilephones
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
.
This
phenomenon can
be occurred
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
by many factors. In my view, there are many merits in adolescents’ development, which will be examined in
this
essay. There are two main factors, which can lead to spending hours on smartphones of youths. The first reason is that it is routine behaviours
leadind
Correct your spelling
lead
to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
can be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
addicted to
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
show examples
it.
In other words
, it is undeniable that following trends in online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
is popular among
this
generation.
For instance
, the phone is utilized for posting pictures or chatting with friends
mowadays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
.
Secondly
, There is no limited time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
in
this
circumsatnce
Correct your spelling
circumstance
. To illustrate, some parents do not restrict their children and neglect
this
over uses
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
. Fortunately,
this
phenomenon can bring various advantages, which comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educational and relaxing aspects.
Firstly
, many are able to find out sources in education.
For example
, my neighbours using the
smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
show examples
experience, not only solving
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
but
also
observing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research.
Moreover
, they can improve individual performances and skills since there are additional language
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
on
Youtube
Correct article usage
the Youtube
show examples
platform presently.
For example
, teenagers who require to learn new
vocabularies
Fix the agreement mistake
vocabulary
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
foreign language,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
access
Wrong verb form
be accessed
show examples
easily. The
further
adavantage
Correct your spelling
advantage
is that for relaxation. People around the world can listen
worldwide
Change preposition
to worldwide
show examples
music and variety shows.
Hence
, embracing
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
can
reliefe
Correct your spelling
relieve
relief
stress to people. In conclusion,
this
statement is caused by individual behaviour and not restricted parents.
However
, I personally believe that
this
is a positive development
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
teenagers, which they can
be improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
show examples
and
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
relaxation.
Submitted by arunrak.wk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your ideas are fully developed and examples are elaborated more clearly. For instance, you mentioned the use of smartphones for educational purposes but gave minimal details.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, work on making smoother transitions between your ideas. For example, when moving from the reasons for smartphone use to its benefits, use clearer linking phrases.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines the perspective of the essay.
complete response
You provided relevant points on why teenagers use smartphones and the potential benefits this usage can bring.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: