Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many teenagers are spending time more than 60 minutes daily on their technological
mobilephones
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mobile phones
.
This
phenomenon can
be occurred
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
by many factors. In my view, there are many merits in adolescents’ development, which will be examined in
this
essay. There are two main factors, which can lead to spending hours on smartphones of youths. The first reason is that it is routine behaviours
leadind
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lead
to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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can be
Wrong verb form
being
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addicted to
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
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it.
In other words
, it is undeniable that following trends in online
platform
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platforms
show examples
using
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
is popular among
this
generation.
For instance
, the phone is utilized for posting pictures or chatting with friends
mowadays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
.
Secondly
, There is no limited time
spending
Replace the word
spent
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in
this
circumsatnce
Correct your spelling
circumstance
. To illustrate, some parents do not restrict their children and neglect
this
over uses
Correct your spelling
overuse
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. Fortunately,
this
phenomenon can bring various advantages, which comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
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educational and relaxing aspects.
Firstly
, many are able to find out sources in education.
For example
, my neighbours using the
smartphones
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smartphone
show examples
experience, not only solving
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
but
also
observing
a
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apply
show examples
research.
Moreover
, they can improve individual performances and skills since there are additional language
channel
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channels
show examples
on
Youtube
Correct article usage
the Youtube
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platform presently.
For example
, teenagers who require to learn new
vocabularies
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vocabulary
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of
the
Correct article usage
a
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foreign language,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
access
Wrong verb form
be accessed
show examples
easily. The
further
adavantage
Correct your spelling
advantage
is that for relaxation. People around the world can listen
worldwide
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to worldwide
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music and variety shows.
Hence
, embracing
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
can
reliefe
Correct your spelling
relieve
relief
stress to people. In conclusion,
this
statement is caused by individual behaviour and not restricted parents.
However
, I personally believe that
this
is a positive development
of
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for
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teenagers, which they can
be improved
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improve
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education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
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and
received
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receive
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relaxation.
Submitted by arunrak.wk on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your ideas are fully developed and examples are elaborated more clearly. For instance, you mentioned the use of smartphones for educational purposes but gave minimal details.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, work on making smoother transitions between your ideas. For example, when moving from the reasons for smartphone use to its benefits, use clearer linking phrases.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines the perspective of the essay.
complete response
You provided relevant points on why teenagers use smartphones and the potential benefits this usage can bring.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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