Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem?
This
is a true fact that in some parts of the countries
, youngsters tend to leave their Fix the agreement mistake
country
education
behind without proper knowledge of handling money
. In my opinion, a major reason for this
is that the poverty
and the responsibilities put on particular commodities overtook education
. The other factor must be the outdated education
systems which some institutes offer for teenagers. This
essay will depict both these prospects and how they can be solved.
On the one hand, when poverty
goes up over the heads of a family, that family's children who go to schools are more likely forced to stop schooling and help their families by providing an income. For instance
, countries
such
as India have got too many children who exemplify this
factor. To be more specific, children in such
fortunate backgrounds do cash-in-hand jobs as much as they can without even a basic knowledge of money
handling. This
will lead to a massive crisis in the world's economy due to
the lack of educated groups.
On the other hand
, the education
systems of many parliamentarians are not practical with regard to the prevailing system in the globe. The outdated subjects may lead students to drop studying mundane tasks and earn money
rather than stay in a frame which they think is a waste of their time. I have my own experience of this
; One of my closest friends who was as same age as me, was also
an expert in IT,
and left schooling before sitting for Remove the comma
apply
ordinary-level
exam. The reason for him to take that step was Add an article
the ordinary-level
an ordinary-level
according to
him, studying the same theoretical subjects for the next years would not help him open up a fascinating career pathway which I agree with at some point. At the same time, he got a job offer from a newly established IT company for just 20,000 rupees. As he mentioned, he was not able to save a single rupee from his earnings and he admits that he could have learned more about money
management.
In conclusion, nowadays teenagers are most likely to put a full stop to their education
at a young age due to
poverty
and mundane education
systems. Having said this
, the authorities of countries
are solely responsible for the above-mentioned reasons. The poverty
of low fortunate can be solved by the relevant parties which represent the countries
. Also
, the old syllabuses and classroom education
system should definitely be changed adding more practical subjects which help the growth of the country as a whole.Submitted by amadisilva2 on
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task response
Introduction was well formed, setting a clear premise. Ensure to maintain a more direct approach to how these issues can be directly addressed in your solution paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Consider threading your ideas more tightly together by linking them explicitly. For example, directly connect how poverty leads to a lack of financial education and how modernizing education could include financial literacy.
language
Your essay shows a good level of understanding and provides fitting examples. However, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary could enhance your expression and the overall impact of your arguments.
task response
Covered multiple aspects of the issue at hand, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore different facets of the issue, and a thoughtful conclusion.
examples
Use of personal experience and specific examples adds credibility and depth to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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