Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem?

#students #countries #school #money

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This

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is a true fact that in some parts of the

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countries

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country

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, youngsters tend to leave their

education

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behind without proper knowledge of handling

money

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. In my opinion, a major reason for

this

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is that the

poverty

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and the responsibilities put on particular commodities overtook

education

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. The other factor must be the outdated

education

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systems which some institutes offer for teenagers.

This

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essay will depict both these prospects and how they can be solved. On the one hand, when

poverty

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goes up over the heads of a family, that family's children who go to schools are more likely forced to stop schooling and help their families by providing an income.

For instance

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countries

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such

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as India have got too many children who exemplify

this

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factor. To be more specific, children in

such

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fortunate backgrounds do cash-in-hand jobs as much as they can without even a basic knowledge of

money

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handling.

This

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will lead to a massive crisis in the world's economy

due to

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the lack of educated groups.

On the other hand

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, the

education

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systems of many parliamentarians are not practical with regard to the prevailing system in the globe. The outdated subjects may lead students to drop studying mundane tasks and earn

money

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rather than stay in a frame which they think is a waste of their time. I have my own experience of

this

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; One of my closest friends who was as same age as me, was

also

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an expert in IT

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apply

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and left schooling before sitting for

ordinary-level

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the ordinary-level

an ordinary-level

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exam. The reason for him to take that step was

according to

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him, studying the same theoretical subjects for the next years would not help him open up a fascinating career pathway which I agree with at some point. At the same time, he got a job offer from a newly established IT company for just 20,000 rupees. As he mentioned, he was not able to save a single rupee from his earnings and he admits that he could have learned more about

money

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management. In conclusion, nowadays teenagers are most likely to put a full stop to their

education

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at a young age

due to

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poverty

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and mundane

education

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systems. Having said

this

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, the authorities of

countries

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are solely responsible for the above-mentioned reasons. The

poverty

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of low fortunate can be solved by the relevant parties which represent the

countries

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Also

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, the old syllabuses and classroom

education

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system should definitely be changed adding more practical subjects which help the growth of the country as a whole.

Submitted by amadisilva2 on Sat May 11 2024

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task response

Introduction was well formed, setting a clear premise. Ensure to maintain a more direct approach to how these issues can be directly addressed in your solution paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Consider threading your ideas more tightly together by linking them explicitly. For example, directly connect how poverty leads to a lack of financial education and how modernizing education could include financial literacy.

language

Your essay shows a good level of understanding and provides fitting examples. However, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary could enhance your expression and the overall impact of your arguments.

task response

Covered multiple aspects of the issue at hand, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore different facets of the issue, and a thoughtful conclusion.

examples

Use of personal experience and specific examples adds credibility and depth to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

418 words

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Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

Some people think that children should only read academic books. Others believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Which opinion do you agree with?