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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #school #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
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People argue whether the school's role in society is to make the youngsters to be a good person or make themself valuable.
Firstly
,
students
' quality is essential to developing a
country
,
thus
 making them a good person is a must.
Secondly
, they will be the future of the
country
 and a key in determining it.
Consequently
, I strongly agree that the academy must turn its pupils to be better nationalists. Every
country
 in the world consists of its citizens’ character for development.
Therefore
, since
students
 are
also
 citizens, their character is a key factor in building a
country
.
However
, some people believe that intelligence is more important to build a
country
.
Although
this
 may be true, intelligence if not followed by a good personality will make it in vain.
In addition
, a good personality and knowledge will help them increase their value in society.
For example
, scientists who think they are above everyone else so that they gate keep their research results for themself will not bring any support to the
country
.
Furthermore
, they could deflect to the rival
country
 in the worst scenario. As can be seen, they are crucial in building a good
country
.
Students
 are the prospect of the
country
 since they are the ones who will fill the void of their ancestors.
Additionally
, a good
country
 requires good citizens to complete its mission with good purposes.
However
, some believe that the student had already been doctrine by the earlier generations to shape their thinking into what they want.
Nevertheless
, the school, especially teachers, took a role in overcoming that problem as they are the ones who determine the junior's thinking.
For instance
, some history books only present the origin
country
 as the good side, making the moral of the story seem vague.
Thereupon
, the institute has a role in fixing them and hopes to tell them their true morals.
As a result
, they are ready to become a better citizen to replace the ageing in the future. Given
this
 result, the student is sure will be the forthcoming of the
country
 and replace the older ones.
Overall
,
students
' personality is the most important aspect of developing a
country
.
Moreover
, they are the forthcoming of the
country
 and they need to fill the gap left by their previous generations. I firmly agree that schools must make the juniors a good citizen and workers
forthwith
.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and states your position more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs to create a more seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing for smoother readability.
task achievement
Expand on examples and provide more specific evidence to strengthen your arguments.
structure
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and offers a relevant response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have made good use of paragraphs to structure your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
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