Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on children to succeed. What are the reasons for doing this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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These days,
kids
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are under a lot of
pressure
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from all sides. Their
parents
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are
also
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putting a lot of stress on them.
While
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some people might say it's because of social comparison and cultural expectations, and it might even have some positive effects on
kids
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, I see it as a negative trend.
Parents
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often compare their
kids
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' achievements to those of other
kids
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,
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apply
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or even siblings. They might compare their
kid
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's grades to a cousin who got all As in a semester,
for example
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.
Parents
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can
also
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be influenced by cultural norms and expectations when it comes to their
kids
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' education and careers. In some East Asian countries,
parents
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put a lot of
pressure
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on their
kids
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to succeed academically and professionally. If their
kid
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doesn't meet those expectations, they can be shamed by society.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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putting
pressure
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on
kids
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to succeed can have some good and bad effects. On the bright side, it can push
kids
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to work hard and reach their goals. Like, when a parent encourages them to do well in school, it might motivate the
kid
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to study hard and get good grades. That can help them work with their
parents
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and be good for their future. But too much
pressure
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can cause bad things too.
For example
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, if a
kid
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feels pressured all the time, they might get stressed out and have low self-confidence. So, it's important to find a balance. In summary,
while
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a certain level of parental
pressure
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can be beneficial, it's essential for
parents
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to prioritize the well-being of their
kids
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and try to strike a balance that promotes both success and emotional health.

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coherence cohesion
Consider elaborating on the structures of your paragraphs to ensure each point is clearly delineated. This can be done by dedicating a full paragraph to each reason, effect (positive or negative), and your own perspective.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples and details to ensure your arguments are more fully developed. For instance, provide more depth to cultural expectations by describing specific scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and your conclusion succinctly wraps it up by reaffirming your stance.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both positive and negative effects of parental pressure, which strengthens your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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