IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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It would not be wrong to state that money is the most important factor. So, based on
this
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 notion, a wide spectrum of people think that
one
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 should opt for a well-paid job even if
one
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 is not passionate about what they do. And I completely disagree with the above statement. It is certainly true that lucrative remuneration tends to tempt a majority of citizens;
however
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, a lot of them fail to realize that monetary value cannot buy everything, including happiness. If
one
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 accepts a job only because of their high income, there's a high chance that the person can go through stress. A prime example can be seen in Asian countries, where the general masses consider corporate jobs secure and well-paid. And
due to
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 pressure
by
Change preposition
from
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 parents, the individual forcefully agrees to work in the desired sector
according to
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 them. In
such
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 circumstances,
one
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 will not be able to grow professionally.
Furthermore
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, working somewhere against your will can make the person irritable and more likely to complain about
life
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.
Hence
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, they will remain relatively dissatisfied compared to those who prefer working in something they love to do despite their low income. Interestingly, for the other half, who aim to follow their dream, chances are that they can excel in their career and continue to lead a content
life
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. The gist of the matter is that, even though abundant money is the most valued by a number of people,
one
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 cannot guarantee the pleasure of
life
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,
whereas
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 choosing something to do that makes oneself happy is more significant because
this
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 is the only way to lead a successful professional
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by skyla201993 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay does have these elements, but further refinement in structuring these parts will ensure better logical flow and understanding.
coherence
In body paragraphs, make sure each idea follows logically from its predecessor. Use transition words to make your argument more coherent.
examples
Always back your main points with relevant examples or evidence. While you have attempted to use an example, it needs to be more specific and detailed to effectively support your argument.
task response
A high-scoring essay thoroughly addresses the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response. Make sure to always align your response closely with the prompt. Expand on your ideas and explain your position consistently without generalizations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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