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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

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The majority of
people
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 believe that
technology
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 has brought
people
Use synonyms
 together and made them closer, but others say that these technological advancements are driving us apart. I believe that
people
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's reluctance to communicate stems from the convenience of instant communication.   On the one hand,
technology
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 can foster a sense of togetherness, but it can
also
Linking Words
 create a sense of distance. Nowadays,
people
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 prefer chatting in chat applications rather than face-to-face.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the technological convenience we can have via e-mail, phone call, or voice message.
As a result
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, individuals perceive using gadgets to be more time-efficient than other forms of work, as they can accomplish their goals more quickly.
For example
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, engaging in face-to-face communication requires sacrificing valuable time, leading to a decrease in social interaction and ultimately a loss of connection.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason that
technology
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 drives
people
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 apart.  
On the other hand
Linking Words
, because of social media, we can keep in touch with our friends, families, and colleagues for
gathering
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gatherings
show examples
 and for work. If
people
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 do not have those kinds of gadgets, it is hard to connect with each other because of distance and time reasons.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
technology
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 gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as phones, computers, and tablets are leading
people
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 together.
For example
Linking Words
, because of these
people
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, you can make video calls anytime and anywhere with
people
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 you care about. And
also
Linking Words
, you can follow their Instagram and Facebook accounts to understand their habits and status.     In conclusion, despite the fact that
technology
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 has the potential to keep
people
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 more tightly and closely together,
But
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
also
Linking Words
 makes
people
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 isolated from their society.

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction to clearly state your thesis and briefly introduce the main points to be discussed. This will help to set a clear direction for the essay and improve coherence.
task achievement
While the essay provides examples, some points could benefit from further elaboration and explanation. This will strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points made in the essay and restate the writer's opinion in a clearer manner. A strong conclusion will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to use synonyms or different sentence structures to convey the same idea, which will enhance both cohesion and lexical resource.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a high-scoring task response.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the use of social media and gadgets for staying in touch with friends and family, make the argument more relatable and credible.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. This contributes to better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The writing demonstrates a good command of language, with varied sentence structures and appropriate vocabulary.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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