Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
The majority of
people
believe that technology
has brought people
together and made them closer, but others say that these technological advancements are driving us apart. I believe that people
's reluctance to communicate stems from the convenience of instant communication.
On the one hand, technology
can foster a sense of togetherness, but it can also
create a sense of distance. Nowadays, people
prefer chatting in chat applications rather than face-to-face. This
is because of the technological convenience we can have via e-mail, phone call, or voice message. As a result
, individuals perceive using gadgets to be more time-efficient than other forms of work, as they can accomplish their goals more quickly. For example
, engaging in face-to-face communication requires sacrificing valuable time, leading to a decrease in social interaction and ultimately a loss of connection. This
is the reason that technology
drives people
apart.
On the other hand
, because of social media, we can keep in touch with our friends, families, and colleagues for gathering
and for work. If Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
people
do not have those kinds of gadgets, it is hard to connect with each other because of distance and time reasons. Therefore
, technology
gadgets such
as phones, computers, and tablets are leading people
together. For example
, because of these people
, you can make video calls anytime and anywhere with people
you care about. And also
, you can follow their Instagram and Facebook accounts to understand their habits and status.
In conclusion, despite the fact that technology
has the potential to keep people
more tightly and closely together, But
it Correct word choice
apply
also
makes people
isolated from their society.Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction to clearly state your thesis and briefly introduce the main points to be discussed. This will help to set a clear direction for the essay and improve coherence.
task achievement
While the essay provides examples, some points could benefit from further elaboration and explanation. This will strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points made in the essay and restate the writer's opinion in a clearer manner. A strong conclusion will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to use synonyms or different sentence structures to convey the same idea, which will enhance both cohesion and lexical resource.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a high-scoring task response.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the use of social media and gadgets for staying in touch with friends and family, make the argument more relatable and credible.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. This contributes to better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The writing demonstrates a good command of language, with varied sentence structures and appropriate vocabulary.