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Band 3.5

In some countries, university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other coutries, students attend university in other cities. Do you think that the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #coutries #cities
In some areas,
students
 live in their own country with their families,
while
 there are other
students
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 abroad and leave their families . In my view ,
decipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to
blance
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balance
 are important for
students
 who
studyng abroud
Correct your spelling
study abroad
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
displine
Correct your spelling
discipline
 the one of beneficial for how living
abroud
Correct your spelling
abroad
. When people get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to take
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 for
themselives
Correct your spelling
themselves
,they can be more confident
n
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making decisions. when
students
 have thisindbendent they
naturaly
Correct your spelling
naturally
 discipline
hemselvies
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to make the right way to face the
resaltof
Correct your spelling
result of
 their decision .
Moreover
, the ability to balance responsibilities is important for
students
. When
students
 take
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 for both their homework and housework, they need to create
plan
Add an article
a plan
show examples
 to balance their studies and chores
effectvely
Correct your spelling
effectively
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, domestic relationships are crucial .to
expline
Correct your spelling
explain
fruther
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further
, some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can not cope
to live
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with living
show examples
 in a sensitive period alone
Change preposition
in which
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they need the support and
familiarty
Correct your spelling
familiarity
 of domestic relationships. For
instanc
Correct your spelling
instance
, a huge number of
studnts
Correct your spelling
students
 in these
expereience
Correct your spelling
experience
experiences
 loneliness and
homeskines
Correct your spelling
homesickness
 leading them to
issue
Wrong verb form
issues
show examples
 like suicide
due to
lake
Correct your spelling
lack
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 of
suport
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support
.
Furthermore
,
students
 who live in their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 house
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 away from the full
universtiy
Correct your spelling
university
 experience. To
illustreate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, the
universty
Correct your spelling
university
 experience
inciudes
Correct your spelling
includes
communicating with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
while
finshing corses
Correct your spelling
finishing courses
 and during free time.In their parents' house, some
students
 lose the freedom to be out after class time. In conclusion, domestic responsibilities and lack of university experience are the two disadvantages of living in parents' houses compared to living abroad
Submitted by s_syedy on

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grammar
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structure
Expand your introduction to provide a clearer context for your argument. This helps the reader understand the scope and direction of your essay.
conclusion
Develop your conclusion further by summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help to reinforce your argument and give a more rounded end to your essay.
structure
You have structured your essay into clear paragraphs, which helps in organizing your thoughts and arguments.
content
You have made a valid point about the importance of discipline and the ability to balance responsibilities while studying abroad.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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