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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that government should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are fewer people who are paid more money than other people. Even though others believe that the administration should not permit high salaries, Even though it has some beneficial effects for the company
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
   Nowadays, a smaller number of employees are paying high wages. But
this
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 depends on the position of the worker.
This
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 is the main reason why employees should be paid a high salary. If the worker works hard for the company’s benefits, especially, he should obtain higher pay.
Firstly
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, high-earners typically pay more in taxes, which can contribute significantly to the government budget and fund public services and infrastructure. Since it has some drawbacks,
for instance
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, when people get highly paid, there might be a problem among their colleagues.
For instance
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, the government should interest them in the
work
Use synonyms
 by increasing their wages when they
work
Use synonyms
 smarter than others, as we encourage children with their help.  
On the other hand
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, the companies should set a certain level for giving salaries to the workers. Because if they do not provide a minimum wage, other individuals will protest to the government. After that, there might be
conflict
Add an article
a conflict
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 between the highest and lowest earners.
For example
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, in Switzerland, authorities limited wages in 2013 in order to reach equal distribution.
Next,
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they achieved their goal.   In conclusion, the administration should set an average wage
while
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 giving the workers a salary.
Although
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 there should be some incentive for workers who
work
Use synonyms
 hard and smart for companies,
Thus
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, they will have the energy to do the
work
Use synonyms
 hard and smartly.

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task achievement
Your essay discusses both views as required but lacks a clear stance in the introduction. Clearly state your opinion in the beginning to guide the reader.
task achievement
You provided examples but could include more specific data or cases to strengthen points. For instance, explaining how high salaries contribute to the economy beyond just tax revenue can be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure but some sentences are a bit repetitive and could be more concise. Try to avoid redundancy.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
You have presented both perspectives clearly, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your points about the benefits of high salaries and potential conflicts are valid and well-articulated.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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