Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
With the improvement of living levels,
people
come to pay more attention to their Use synonyms
health
condition. Some Use synonyms
people
believe that public Use synonyms
health
will be enhanced if there are more Use synonyms
exercise
Use synonyms
facilities
. Use synonyms
However
, I do not completely agree with the opinion as in my eyes, Linking Words
this
approach can be effective only when combined with other measures.
Adding more Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
to communities is necessary, but not enough. The supporters of Use synonyms
this
proposal hold that if the government sets more Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
, Use synonyms
people
will readily perspire there thereby strengthing their figures. Use synonyms
However
, they neglect one crucial factor, namely the willingness to do Linking Words
exercise
, without which, all the equipment would merely be decorations. One notable example is the Citizen Park Project of Hangzhou, where large amounts of Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
have been left unused as frequent overtime has been encroaching on Use synonyms
people
's leisure time, and Use synonyms
therefore
they to a large extent have lost interest in Linking Words
exercise
.
Based on Use synonyms
this
, I maintain that the spread of Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
must be associated with other related measures, Use synonyms
such
as enacting pertinent laws to emancipate employees from excessive overtime. Provided ordinary Linking Words
people
in Hangzhou are not forced to endlessly work in offices, they will definitely participate in more Use synonyms
exercise
. After all, everyone cares about their own Use synonyms
health
. About Use synonyms
this
, there is an evident instance happening in Wuhan, a megacity in the centre of China. Linking Words
According to
the statistics from the local government, when prolonging public holidays, the utilization of local Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
surged from 35% to 60%.
In conclusion, adding fitness equipment alone cannot effectively improve Use synonyms
people
's Use synonyms
health
. What is equally essential is the willingness of individuals to Use synonyms
exercise
, which needs to be guaranteed by other specific measures.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job discussing both views and gives a thoughtful opinion. To further improve, ensure that all paragraphs have clear topic sentences to enhance readability and logical flow.
coherence cohesion
To score higher in coherence, try to use more varied linking words and phrases. Currently, the essay flows well, but a greater variety can help demonstrate a range of language skills.
task achievement
Your essay's argument is well-structured and supported with relevant examples, such as the Citizen Park Project in Hangzhou and the statistics from Wuhan.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear viewpoint, effectively analyzing the pros and cons of increasing sports facilities and suggesting additional measures.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite