IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#murderers #death #penalty #society #guilt #murder #life #prison #punishment
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In today’s society, people’s perspectives on the
penalty
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 for murder have significantly diverged. The question of whether to imprison murderers for
life
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 rather than impose the
death
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penalty
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 has become a matter of considerable debate. In my opinion, enacting
life
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imprisonment
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 is more suitable than the
death
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penalty
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.
Firstly
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,
life
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imprisonment
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 allows for the possibility of rehabilitation. Unlike the
death
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penalty
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,
life
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imprisonment
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 gives inmates the opportunity to reflect on their actions and potentially reform. Over time, some individuals may come to truly understand the gravity of their crimes and express genuine remorse.
This
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 process of introspection and repentance is a crucial aspect of justice that capital punishment simply cannot provide.
Secondly
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, inmates serving
life
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 sentences can contribute positively to society, even from within prison walls. Many correctional facilities offer programs that enable prisoners to engage in meaningful work,
such
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 as creating art, learning trades, or participating in educational programs.
For example
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, some prisoners produce goods or provide services that support charitable organizations or help those in need. It is undeniable that the
death
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penalty
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 can serve as a significant deterrent;
however
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,
this
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 does not mean that
life
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imprisonment
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 lacks deterrent effects. Many people fear losing their freedom more than losing their lives.
Therefore
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, imprisoning them may be a stricter way to punish them, as they must endure each day without enjoying a normal
life
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, living under supervision and unable to live as they please.
This
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 can be more frightening than
death
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 itself. In conclusion,
life
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imprisonment
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 offers significant benefits over the
death
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penalty
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. It allows for the possibility of rehabilitation, enables inmates to contribute positively to society, and achieves deterrent effects simultaneously.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the points are generally well supported, the specific examples could be more detailed and varied. For instance, you could elaborate on the rehabilitation programs that have successfully reintegrated prisoners into society.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the fluidity of your arguments by using more transitional phrases and linking words to ensure a seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
You may benefit from integrating counterarguments and addressing them to fortify your stance. This could also provide a more balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure that guides the reader through your main points effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance, setting the stage well for the discussion.
complete response
You've addressed the prompt comprehensively and maintained a consistent argument throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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