IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many arguments show that politicians’ personal information should be confidential
instead
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 of releasing it on social media.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with
this
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 suggestion because publishing these details could be harmful to their
lives
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, and might infringe on basic human
rights
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. First and foremost, publishing political
people
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’s private
lives
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 could negatively affect their
lives
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. It means that these
people
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 can get problems with their mental and physical health if their haters know their address or personal details, and it will be more serious if the journalists try to chase them
while
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 they are driving, which could lead to a crash or accident.
For example
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, Princess Diana in England passed away in a crash
while
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 she was trying to escape the group of journalists who were chasing her to take her picture and seek information about her personal life.
Furthermore
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, it
also
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 infringes on the basic human
rights
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 that everyone has as a human.
This
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 is because they have the
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to be protected and the right to keep their details.
Thus
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, the disclosure of their privacy in newspapers without their agreement can influence their human
rights
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.
For instance
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, many Vietnamese politicians cannot have their freedom whenever they hang out with their family because
people
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 will come to take
a
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apply
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photo
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photos
show examples
 or record them, which could make them feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Some politicians in
this
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 country always have bodyguards following them to protect them because some overexcited
people
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 could harm their safety and their
family
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families
show examples
. In conclusion, some
people
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 would like to keep political
people
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’s personal
lives
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 a secret rather than showing them on social media.
This
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 can protect the government's
people
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’s
lives
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 and ensure that they have human
rights
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 like other
people
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to further enhance coherence and cohesion. Consider using more varied linking phrases and techniques to connect ideas seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Provide a wider range of perspectives and/or potential counterarguments that could be addressed in the essay. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue and solidify the Task Achievement score.
Task Achievement
Even though specific examples are provided, ensure they are consistently relevant and directly connected to the main point being argued. This will strengthen the Task Achievement.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a strong opinion and addresses the task effectively by supporting the position that politicians’ personal information should remain confidential.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the conclusion reinforces the main idea by summarizing the essay’s key points clearly and adequately.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples, such as the reference to Princess Diana, helps illustrate the point about potential dangers.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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