IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small local business are unable to compete.some thought that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree??

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Many people think that
stores
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 in many places are impacting the regional
shops
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, where they are losing business because of the competition by these supermarts. These shutdowns are
also
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 affecting the local neighbourhood. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because local
stores
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 have a cultural identity, and impact less on the environment. The main reason I agree with the statement is that local businesses have a cultural identity which supermarkets cannot replicate.
This
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 is
due to
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shops
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 in a community having a unique culture and traditions which are attributed to the people in the neighbourhood.
Whereas
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, big corporations are large chain operations where there is no unique identity to associate with. As an example take a look at big chain markets in the USA like Walmart, and Costco where the
shops
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 are similar to each other in different localities and just identify with a brand and not the people.
Secondly
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, another reason for my agreement is these big convenience
stores
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 can have a huge impact on the environment with their carbon emissions.
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Additionally
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Additionally,
show examples
 these outlets throw out the
waste
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 generated into the landfills affecting the atmosphere.
However
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, with the local
shops
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 garbage management is
effiecient
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efficient
 and generated less compared to supermarkets, resulting in less environmental pollution.
For instance
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, take a look at
waste
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 produced by Walmart, which is estimated to be at 42% per year with food
waste
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 and 23% with dry
waste
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.
To sum up
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, the points discussed which are environmental effects and lack of cultural integration with big convenience
stores
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 in the country agree with the statement. There needs to be a certain number of large supermarts where that can be situated in city centres, which can encourage small businesses to grow in their locality.

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task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and addressed the prompt adequately. However, some minor inaccuracies and the occasional awkward phrasing slightly detract from your essay's overall quality. Try to refine sentence structures for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To enhance cohesion, use more varied linking phrases, especially between body paragraphs.
task achievement
While your main points are supported by relevant examples, incorporating more concrete data or specific anecdotes would strengthen your arguments further. Consider more varied and illustrative examples to clearly show the real-life impact of the issues discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You've effectively highlighted two strong reasons (cultural identity and environmental impact) to support your stance, showing analytical depth.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic impact
  • local economy
  • employment opportunities
  • social fabric
  • community hubs
  • social cohesion
  • cultural identity
  • cultural diversity
  • homogenization
  • consumer choice
  • environmental impact
  • carbon footprint
  • elaborate supply chains
  • supermarket dominance
  • local businesses closure
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