IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people beleive that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #beleive #choices #diagree
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It is believed that in modern times
people
Use synonyms
 have many more options than they used to have in the past.
This
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 assumption is based on the fact that earlier
people
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 did not have
technology
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 or access to
technology
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 to gain knowledge about certain things. I strongly agree that individuals have enormous choices today and will discuss
this
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further
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 in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, consider information through
technology
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, which was relatively new in old times and quite expensive to access. The internet,
for example
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, was not widely available before the 1990s and was very expensive during that period, with slow speeds. Today, if
people
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 want to buy something, they have many more options as they can search and buy things online, finding a variety of products.
For example
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, I wanted to buy a dashcam and searched in various stores but ultimately purchased it online because I found it cheaper and of better quality.
Thus
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,
technology
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 has played an essential role in creating awareness of choices.
Secondly
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,
along with
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 information, it is
also
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 easier nowadays to connect with the right
people
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.
In other words
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, if someone wants to connect with someone who they think is essential to gain an advantage or to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 a task, they can do so very easily and swiftly compared to old times.
For example
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, to get admission to a university in Canada, one has to reach out to professors to get letters of recommendation, which students can only do after connecting with them online. Earlier, they had to put in extra effort to reach out, either in person or through more difficult means.
To conclude
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, time has made it easier for us to make decisions by providing us with various choices. The options will keep increasing in the future compared to the past.
Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to extend the discussion to consider potential downsides of having too many choices. This would demonstrate a more balanced analysis of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure that each main point is supported with enough evidence and examples. Some ideas in the essay could benefit from more detailed explanation or additional examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity and flow between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases. This will make the argument easier to follow and provide a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the main argument convincingly.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow of ideas from start to finish, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the dashcam purchase and university admission process, effectively illustrate the main points.
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