IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Car owner ship has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now one big traffic jam How true do you think this statement is What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars

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Automotive transport has increased faster each day. Even the vast majority of cities have the highest rates of congestion and crowds. I am concerned,
this
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 is a real truth in
this
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 era, travelling on your own is one of the motivations for getting a
car
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. The government can decrease ticket prices or remove subsidies for fossil fuels as measures to solve
this
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 issue. We acknowledge that citizens have become more and more interested in buying a
car
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 because they want to travel by themself.
For instance
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, owning a
car
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 permits them to travel wherever they want and allows them to take these trips at any time with anybody.
This
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 is an advantage over the use of buses or other methods of transportation. So, people are encouraged to buy a
car
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, which results in the traffic jams that we face today. One of the methods to ensure avoiding the use of vehicles is having cheaper tickets for other methods of transport.
In addition
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, removing the subsidies for fuel can
also
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 help to normalize the flow of cars.
For instance
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, if the government authorities decrease the boarding pass costs, people would be likely to choose public transport rather than a
car
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.
Furthermore
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, removing the subsidies avoids the use of cars inside the downtown. Both measures can develop a better city becoming eco-friendly and ordered.
To conclude
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, the greatest number of cars in a city tends to increase the probability of traffic jams.
Although
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 many people are immersed in getting a
car
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 for travel and commutes, governments would tackle
this
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 problem by changing the value of bus tickets and removing the expenses of fuel.
Submitted by jolo9419jmor on

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task achievement
While the essay generally answers the question, it would benefit from more precise language and clarity in expressing ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific details. Including a few more specific examples could strengthen the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and each sentence flows logically within the paragraph. Use more cohesive devices and linking words to improve the logical flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the main ideas.
task achievement
You provided some relevant points and examples in supporting your arguments, which helps to demonstrate your main points effectively.
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