IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Countries should produce enough food for their own population and import as little as possible. Do you agree or disagree with this statemen

#countries #food #population #import #statemen
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No one can deny that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food
Use synonyms
 is the most crucial thing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human life
to live
Verb problem
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. I believe that
countries
Use synonyms
 must put the production of their
food
Use synonyms
 in its top priority and minimize the importing as little as possible. In the next paragraphs, I will discuss my opinion regarding the importance of being independent and the drawbacks of
over importation
Add a hyphen
over-importation
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. It is very important to consider that producing your own
food
Use synonyms
 will usually save you a lot of money
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 if you are a developing country. Because it will not cost you any expensive transportations
such
Linking Words
 as planes or ships that demand lots of cash.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 it will rescue the country from being in
dept
Correct your spelling
debt
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.
for instance
Linking Words
, a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
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made 6 years ago stated that more than 10 developing African
countries
Use synonyms
 have been in severe debt
due to
Linking Words
 their ignoring for production
their
Change preposition
of their
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 own
food
Use synonyms
 and fully relying on importing basics like wheat and rice. Contrasting to that, if these had cared about
to be
Change the verb form
being
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 independent, they would not have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fallen in that massacre. Focusing on the importing part, I see that despite being beneficial in introducing hard currency to the country, it is more likely will lead it to export
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 needs in the end
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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 a huge disturbance in
their finance
Fix the agreement mistake
its finances
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 will tend to happen. To illustrate, an article on BBC, regarding Egyptian finance, was written
last
Linking Words
 year demonstrated that the price of imported wheat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign
countries
Use synonyms
 was cheaper than the price that was put locally just for the sake of the hard currency. If these limit their import and rely on their own production, many problems will be minimized, and they can manage it in the future. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 importing may provide the
countries
Use synonyms
 with essential currency. I would argue that producing your own
food
Use synonyms
 not only will outweigh the merits of the latter, but
also
Linking Words
 it will be
first
Change the article
the first
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 step towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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flourishment.
Submitted by besoyam on

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task achievement
In the introduction, you might want to briefly outline the main points you will discuss. This will help to set clear expectations for the reader. Additionally, avoid overgeneralizations like 'No one can deny.'
task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging the benefits of both production and importation. This will make your argument stronger and more nuanced.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured, consider using transitional phrases to make the flow between paragraphs smoother. For example, you could use 'Moreover' instead of 'because' at the beginning of your first body paragraph to add clarity.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your use of articles and prepositions for grammatical accuracy. For instance, 'in debt' should be 'in debt', and 'ignoring for production' should be 'ignoring the production'.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and maintains a focus on the importance of food self-sufficiency for countries.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the survey of African countries and the article about Egypt, are effective and relevant to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the overall argument.
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